Article Edit. Learn why people trust wikiHow. To create this article, 17 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time.
Together, they cited 13 references. It also received 11 testimonials from readers, earning it our reader-approved status. Learn more Explore this Article Steps. Tips and Warnings. Related Articles. Expect different body language. Autistic people don't always make eye contact, sit still, or look at the person they are listening to. However, that doesn't mean they aren't paying attention. If your date has unusual body language, but is paying attention to you, then it's going well. Flirt clearly and directly.
Aspies don't always pick up on subtle cues, including subtle flirtation. It's helpful to be direct, so they don't get confused about your intentions. Most people with AS don't actually want to be "picked up" or compliments, they prefer intelligent conversation.
People with AS tend to want to talk a thought through to its entirety. Interrupting someone with AS is difficult for them to get back on track, so be patient and listen. Ask your date's boundaries. Autistic people may be uncomfortable with certain types of touch and intimacy, because of sensory issues.
To find out what works for them, just ask.
The guy I like has rgers as well and he's the easiest guy to talk to we just click and it's very rare for two aspies to find each other when everyone else in the world is an NT. He's in a non-serious relationship right now and has been hurt in the past many people don't understand him, we have a strange bond everyone around us can tell. rgers Dating r/ rgers_dating. Join. hot. hot new top rising. hot. new. top. rising. card. I love a guy who has rger i want him to understand my feelings, i dont know how can i show him my love. A sub with the intention of hopefully making it easier for .
Having a clear conversation is easy for many autistic people, and you'll get a clear sense of what your partner likes. Give them enough alone time to process information and situations. Be aware that loud, bright, and crowded environments are like their own personal hell. People with AS decompress in different ways than NTs.
This could be being alone, staring off into space, or stimming. They need to do these things and it is not a choice - it is a need. Want a hug? Ask for clarity if you're confused about what your date is thinking or doing. Aspies often can relate to being confused in social situations, and your date will likely be happy to tell you what's on their mind.
Here are some examples of things you can ask: "You're looking at the window a lot. Is something going on, or do you just like to look out windows when you're listening? Be clear about your own thoughts and feelings.
Picking up on body language can be difficult work for an autistic person, and they might not realize what's going on, or guess completely wrong. If you want them to know your feelings, the easiest way is to express them out loud. I'm a little on edge today because of my dad coming. You did nothing wrong. I would like to have rearranged my schedule so that I could be there for her.
Respect their space, and let it go as slowly as it needs to. Let things move slowly, and ask before coming over. Since autistic people tend to think literally, your date may think that an invitation indoors is nothing more than an invitation indoors.
Talk about sex before trying it.
Dating And rger's - What You Need To Know Dating and relationships can pose a unique set of challenges for people diagnosed with rger's syndrome. Here, we explore how social cues and other differences in perception can affect these daters. Oct 07, Been dating aspie guy 3yrs now, love him, he says he loves me. I wd like him to move in with me he won't leave his mothersays the reason is his job is nearby, but there have been several jobs he cd have taken near me. He will never leave his mother and he dances to her tune always. I should end it, but it will break my heart. / Dating With rger's. by Matthew Rozsa 3 Comments. Dating with high-functioning autism isn't easy, but it can be done. Join The Good Men Project conversation and get ates.
Everyone has different preferences and boundaries, and autistic people's preferences may be different from what you typically expect. Some have sensory issues that make it difficult, while others have enhanced sensation.
Talk to your partner and see how they feel about it. Talk to your date about how you want them to respond to problems.
Aspies can struggle with feelings, and may find it easier to focus on problem-solving. If your partner isn't responding in a way that helps you, tell them what you need instead, such as "I know you mean to help by offering advice, but right now, I just really need to vent.
Don't avoid discussing your feelings for fear of upsetting them. It's important to be honest; your feelings are also important, and your date will recover. Be prepared for your partner to show and experience emotions differently. They may not understand their own feelings alexithymiaand thus act less emotional than others e. This does not mean that they aren't experiencing emotions.
Autistic people may react with a problem-solving approach: they see that you are upset, and they are determined to fix it so you can be happy. They may not realize that you don't want advice, just a listening ear.
Autistic people may appear emotionless, even when they are experiencing deep emotions. Be ready for a meltdown.
Meltdowns are the result of bottled-up stress exploding, and are not done on purpose. React calmly and compassionately if this happens, and get your partner away from the situation that triggered it. Sitting them down somewhere familiar for a bit will help. Avoid touching them or talking unnecessarily; they may not be able to handle it. Offer things that typically calm them e. If they say no, don't push; it means that thing would be unhelpful.
Let them have time to calm down afterwards. Appreciate your partner's special interest s. Many autistic people have a few favorite subjects sports statistics, cats, writing fiction that they are very passionate about. These are a great way to their heart. Ask questions about the subject, get involved e. My boyfriend has rger's and his family does not get him the help he needs. He has also developed depression and anxiety. We are both How can I help him legally?
Ask a school psychiatrist for help. If parents won't help, ask grandparents. Ask your parents. Somebody will have to do something. Yes No. Not Helpful 0 Helpful When the person I'm seeing suddenly goes from fine to withdrawn and cold and doesn't want to see me anymore, what should I do? Luna Rose. Try the NVC style to express yourself: observing, and then asking. For example, "I haven't heard from you in several days.
Have I done something that upset you? Try asking about it a little and see if you can get a straight answer. Most autistic people are good at being honest, although they may be hesitant if they think you wouldn't like what they have to say.
You may get an answer, or you may not. If not, let it go. Assume that it's some problem related to the other person, and look for someone who is more interested in a date. Tell him you'd like to spend more time with him. Subtle hints are likely to go unnoticed, so be compassionately clear. Explain that you enjoy being with him and want to do it more. Then, start inviting him out more often. He may have trouble taking initiative, so it helps if you are willing to suggest things and make plans.
Say things like "Would you like to go out for dinner tomorrow night? Just like in other couples, it's important to ask for what you want, and to be willing to take steps to make it happen.
Not Helpful 3 Helpful Can someone with rger's forgive someone else if they say something they don't like? Actually we do. In fact we like it so much temple grandin invented a machine to simulate it for us because we depend on the deep pressure holding sensation of being cuddled to keep us calm. Thanks for the answer. So basically you only want to date guys like this because they don't play games?
You know, you might not have given him time to get used to those things. It was an unnatural action to him but anyone can adapt and ease into being comfortable with things. In a way you basically said you left him because he couldn't give you the sex you wanted To answer your questions, social interaction can be stressful for me.
The natural flow of a conversation doesn't come naturally for me. As a result I've made many social blunders. And yes, I do actually know that I can't relate to people normally. In terms of blunders it's saying the wrong things and the wrong times. I know a guy who does that - he usually feels bad after. I meant do MEAN what you said and just wish you hadn't said it? Or do you accidentally say things you DONT mean? I like people being honest with me, so that's how I am. If you're being honest-why is it a blunder?
Don't you think it's lying otherwise? FOr the guy you knew with AS, how did his honesty make him annoying? It didn't really, was kind of funny. But he seemed quite ignorant about a lot of stuff, such as art and culture, but that could have been because he is a bit of an ass like I said lol. More like you just got shitty boyfriends - nothing to do with the fact that they didn't have they Syndrome.
Yeah I'm kinda the same way where I withdraw myself completely when I'm alone. Does shyness prevent you from initiating contact? That was the reason I'd never initiate contact for years. Yes, it does.
That's perhaps the reason that people who want to approach me don't. Because it seems to them that if they did approach me, I wouldn't be 'cooperative' or that I'd be rude.
But I always make an effort to be polite and even likable. People love me as soon as I start to talk and relax. But if I don't feel comfortable, they see me. Which is completely unjustified, but they do it anyway. Once, I was in a club with my friends, and when I'm with them I feel great!
I'm not shy, I'm outgoing, I'm crazy even Haha : But then some guys started crowding us, and I didn't like them. I felt like they weren't 'good news', so I started to withdraw, and they thought that since I didn't want to look at them and speak to them in longer sentences that I was a bitch!
I just didn't want to talk. Your company may help them more then people think. Like not dating them just because they have AS. Found out he had a girlfriend while he was talking to me. I don't think I will date another guy with rgers because this just affected me badly i spent hours helping him and explaining what i was feeling which was a waste of time because he was lying to me.
Now i'm not saying if you have rgers you cheat, i've been lied to by almost every guy before. Just exaushted right now. I mean it Incorrect, sorry.
rgers is a higher functioning form of autism that shares many of the same traits including being socially inept. Now now boys, But scar1 you are wrong WeaponZero is right. Each person who has rgers is different. My brother has it and he has some things in common with Weapon but there are a few things that they are completely different on. But when it comes down to it they are BOTH socially awkward. ONLY if you were diagnosed at an early age.
Some people are diagnosed a lot later. You can't at the age of 30 just be like OK I have rgers lets try psychology as a substitute.
Doesn't work that way. Maybe if they were diagnosed at like 16 down.
5 Tips for Loving Someone with rger's Syndrome
I guess if you were raised by wolves or something and just didn't have interactions with people or watch them then you would be socially enept even you could consiously learn it easily. Cos everything you just said is utter crap. Cos I myyself know for facts that what you said is not true. For Example Your Totally Wrong.
Rugby Player With Tourette's & Asperger's Has Dating Confidence Issues - The Undateables
I really hope what I said has changed your mind on how you judge potential dates. Ok laxking, I will meet the person before I conclude they are just as my ex, but I will be a lot more cautious. Some of the pain I felt was because of he's AS. During that time of my life I felt so lonely and unloved. As if he wanted me to stay near, but he kept pushing me away. When he was sad I was sad, and what's worse, I couldn't tell if I did something bad.
This is not about physical contact. We were close in that way But we couldn't bond on an emotional and a psychological level. And bettsyboy, I know. Which is the worst part and the reason for my original reply. Being so close to someone, yet so far away hurts more then anything else.
Still he didn't leave my side and exposed himself to my clumsy behavior which could hurt him. I know, not all guys with AS are like him, or have same level of it, and each one of them have a personality that is only mildly defined by the syndrome.
But the fact that this part, that syndrome did define, is there, makes me wanna stay away so my heart wouldn't be broken again. I broke up with him while I still had feelings for him because I couldn't bare it anymore, which hurt more then any other break up. He must have a more severe case of it because I was diagnosed with it and I'm not like that, I'm just cluless about telling if a girl likes me or how to ask her out. Don't feel like you are not as good as other guys because you're a million times better.
Gratz to you :] glad to see someone who doesn't judge someone on the fact they have AS. I would. The symptoms of the syndrome seem like the traits my boyfriend has now.
However, this guy very clearly could not read my cues and because of that, I would be very hesitant in dating someone with autism or rger's in the future. level 1. I went on two dates with an autistic guy and it was a huge no. I have rgers myself (I am high functioning enough to pass as . An rger's man can seem like an appealing partner and will bring some strengths into a relationship. However, there are a number of factors that may only surface later. Being aware of these can help a woman understand why the man is behaving in such a manner. A man with rger's is often more immature than his saporiviafrancigena.com: Debbie Roome. Jul 11, How to Date an Aspie. If you're a neurotypical person dating an autistic person, it's a good idea to educate yourself on how an aspie will act in various relationship situation, or you might get offended by his/her seemingly cold attitude%.
We get along pretty well because I make up for his lack of social skills, by being the social. I don't find it to be a big deal. People with AS don't really play those dumb dating games due to their inability to read body language and certain social cues.
FYI its not a "desease" you can't catch it. I hope you are right, I just can't picture myself getting a girlfriend because of rger Syndrome, having rger Syndrome makes it harder to initiate. Trust me dude, it can happen. I have it and I found mine.
I know : But trust me, It is worth the wait. It takes a very patient, understanding, non-judgemental girl to be with a guy with rgers, Which unfortunatly are hard to find. I feel that the older I get without having my first ever girlfriend, the harder it will be to get one, and I just don't know how, people say that practice makes perfect, but I don't know if I can get better since I have rger Syndrome, that my social skills are going to stay the same forever.
Just don't judge that all guys with rgers are the same If you ever happen to date someone with rgers and break up. Since not one guy with rgers is like the other with AS and diff like "normal ppl" : Have a Nice day!
Just wondering if all you women here would be able to date a guy with rger syndrome. I have it, and it's a mild form of autism for those of you who don't know. I ask this because many AS traits would appear to be turn offs for girls. For example, girls want guys with great social skills who are great at approaching them, something most guys with AS lack, as we are quite socially awkward.
Fortunately I met this girl who did initiate contact with me and even told me she wants to make it official between us. And she knew I had AS before she initiated contact. So for all you women out there, would you be willing to date a man with rger syndrome? Or is it too much of a turn off? No sugar coated answers, be real with me. Share Facebook. Ladies: Would you date a guy with rger Syndrome? Add Opinion.
Be real with you? It's not a turn off per se. However, judging by these answers I might be the only one. And if I'm supposed to ask you out, how am I supposed to know that you like me if you aren't good at sending me signals.
Liking you isn't enough. I need signs to let me know if you're into me as well. Send off the wrong signals, and I'll assume that you're trying to tell me to get the hell away from you. If you have horrible communication skills, and it's not even your fault, that may be a problem.
I am a pretty honest, straight forward person though so who knows it could work. I would just feel a bit sad for the times when I do need emotional support and AS guy can't give it because he can't tell that I'm upset. Sometimes they do things or say things that are offensive apparently and they don't know any better, and AS people are also said to be unable to pick up on things like sarcasm or wit.
These are two things integral to my personality and if you don't pick up on them, it's going to annoy me eventually and you might be turned off as well. I would also assume that, AS people don't get humor very well, no? I read that AS people often appear cold, lacking in empathy, and emotionless. I know this isn't true, but as a very emotionally expressive person, I think I would be hurt quite often it a guy doesn't respond with and to my emotions at certain times.
I'm also really romantic and I like to make connections with people. I would think AS guy would find it annoying if I'm trying to get him to make eye contact all the time, cuddle, and try to make a connection with them.
You said you like things slow, for example. I admit that's not something I'm good at. I throw my whole heart into a relationship pretty easily and I love passion and emotion and sex. Also I like talking about a variety of topics instead of your tendency to focus on one thing in extreme detail. Having said all that, I'd love to try it!
It takes a lot of patience I would think to date someone with AS. And perhaps it also requires a personality type that I just don't have.
Kudos to your girl though. That's very cool of her. Most men with rgers actually love cuddles though :. Show All Show Less. I don't think I could ever go back to dating a guy who didn't have those traits now because it cut down on so much misunderstandings and drama.
I couldn't predict anything he was going to do so I stopped trying to and just let whatever was going to happen, happen. All I can say is Wow Kudos to you. I have many friends with rgers- I have noticed I get along with them very well. I have the ability perceive nuance, and I can enjoy it w itin certain situations, internally- but when dealing with other people, I'm very literal and I like to think things thr you logically, and clearly defined. I find people with rgers t end to be direct and t hey don't play games, and generally are very earnest because hey may not 'feel like they are relating' but put effort into things lots of people take for granted.
And a lot of what the say things mean people don't exhibit in the 'proper context'.
Dating aspergers guy
Do you actually know you can't relate to people 'normally'- or are you just worried you cant? Slugworth99 Xper 6. This is a great question. My own son who is going on 14 is AS. He is really doing well to deal with it. His mother and I both suspect that we have some degree of it, but back in the 's, AS was not even heard of. Anyway, he struggled with friendships, society and especially girl interaction up to the sixth grade. This year, he is in seventh grade. He has had his best year yet. The school has really worked with us in trying to help him.
He has at least 4 to 6 girls who are friends with him now.
At least 2 to 3 of them are 'sweet' on him. I think he is rather clueless on the girls who are sweet on him, but I want him to just concentrate on treating them like young ladies and being their friends. He does have his moments of outbursts and getting very angry. However, they seem to get past it. I hope this continues into high school. I had a very unheathly relationship with women and was sexually active by the age of I am on this board mainly for him.
I want to learn as much about teens, what girls like in a young man, what kind of dating is acceptable. As a father of a AS child, I applaud you for your efforts in trying to understand it and how others approach it. I struggle with making eye contact and I always find I cannot read peoples' intentions, even when they are obvious according to others. I never know what the right thing to say is in a social situation. On the other hand, I find pursuing certain endeavours to be quite easy - I enjoy studying chemistry, which is what I am doing now at Oxford University, and I find that abstract ideas in Chemistry comes to me quite naturally, while social interaction is really difficult.
I have never had a girlfriend and I don't know what to do with girls that I like - If I try to interact with them I'll probably say something really weird or stupid and frighten them away.
If only courting girls was as easy as chemistry Sign Up Now! Sort Girls First Guys First. LOL89 Xper 4. Depends how severe your AS is. The only problem is that with your blunt honesty, unfortunately a lot of people love it when others lie to them.
God knows why but it's just how people are. Everyone loves to think they're better than they are I guess and the truth hurts sometimes. I reckon it is possible though if you are willing and she is willing too. I know someone with AS and it's not just his honesty that makes him annoying, he is just a bit of an ass about stuff for the sake of it. I guess the problem you might have could be intimacy once you may start dating, but I'm sure if she is the right person for you then you can work past it.
Bottom line is : I think AS is so diverse that you shouldn't let it hold you back from what you want, because it's not something that we know a lot about anyway. There are all different variations of it so I have heard and sometimes if you have a certain mindset about things then you can end up letting it affect how you behave anyway. If you are possible to want a relationship then try and allow yourself to. In a 2 year relationship with someone who I feel is autistic.
He's Actually, I realized he might have it after watching a program on the Discovery Channel last year. Yeah, right. He sometimes has difficulty with reading comprehension, as well as sarcasm.
He takes things literally a lot. He can have a short temper, and yell, but never verbally abusive. He's a sweet, quite, gentle guy, and he loves to cuddle. The issue I have with him is his inability to communicate, comprehend, and verbalize emotion. He takes a while to make decisions sometimes, or just says "it doesn't matter" and defers to me. He's a Aries but acts like a Pisces and I'm a Virgo, so we're both very loyal. I love him. A matter of fact, that's why I'm posting this, because we're "off" at the moment and we got into it about Valentine's Day.
Now that I've read the posts here, I think his reaction wasn't intentionally, but based on the literal meaning of something I said. Patience is definitely necessary when dealing with an autistic person, but I'm working on it. I have AS, and I only want to date a guy if he has it too. I have dated guys that don't have it, and they just don't understand me. They always get mad at me when I don't look at them when they are talking to me, or when I don't want to cuddle or kiss. They always push me and pressure me into going places or doing things that I'm just not comfortable doing.
Once I had a boyfriend that told me he was taking me to a park to take a walk, so I went with him. Turns out he tricked me, he took me to a club and he was my ride so I couldn't go back home.
He forced me to go inside with him and I ended up having a meltdown in there.