After several failed relationships, I finally found someone who is all the things you say that a real man should be. The only problem is that he smokes. He is too, but his smoking is the only issue we keep arguing about. He says he is trying to kick the habit for me, but he has failed to do so and it seems he smokes even more after each failed attempt. The other day he told me that he has already started looking for a house for us and that he plans to marry me next year and wants to start a family a year later. He has been working overtime at his job to make this happen and every month he shows me his bank statement. What should I do?
And Im ok with that. I like smoking and don't want to quit. A man should respect a woman who says shes going to smoke and thats that. Non-smokers just don't get it. Some may try, but it never works out. They complain about the smokey smell in my car, or the smokey smell in my apartment, or the smokey smell on my breath.
They complain when I leave a movie for a cigarette break. I know its bad, but I can't help it. People just need to deal with it.
For a guy to criticize me for smoking on a date, would be same as a guy being critical of my choice to say, wear leggings instead of pants, or to not wear hose.
Apr 30, Dating a heavy smoker (guy, separate, advice, clothes) User Name: Remember Me: Password Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. For many men and women, smoking is a deal breaker in any potential date. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 18 percent of adults smoke cigarettes. If you rule out people who don't smoke, the reality is that you are ruling out thousands - no, millions - of people! Yet the .
Its my choice, its my right. If I want to wear cute 4 inch heels to work or a date, its my call. Just because Im not wearing hose doesnt mean its not professional.
And just like it would be rude for a guy on a date to say anything negative about my outfit, its rude for a guy to complain about my smoking. So from now on, thats it.
I'm only dating smokers period. Its the only way to go. Scooby Snacks. I started smoking as a teenager and smoked heavily for 15 years. Finally I stopped smoking on the patch but relapsed when I thought I could smoke "just one. Three years of heavy smoking later, I noticed something strange: I was thinking about a cigarette every single minute of every single day.
I would wake up at night to smoke one, even! It was torture, even worse than the physical addiction. I would smoke one, finish it, then the minute I put it out I started thinking about when I could smoke the next one. I said enough. So I quit using the patch again. It worked again.
I haven't smoked in seven years. I haven't even been tempted to smoke another one. All I have to think about is that weird obsession smoking caused the last six months or so. That was the worst part-my brain squirrel caging I can't stand the smell of it anymore either. Fortunately, our whole city is now nonsmoking. Originally Posted by JustJulia. That makes sense. Spending time with someone who smokes all the time is pretty much like smoking anyway. But that will never be.
If I ever marry and have kids, they will never be there for that. There will be so much that they missed. That thought literally makes me ache inside. Even to this day, if I get a whiff of cigarette smoke, that old anger and resentment rises up in me.
I try really, really hard not to judge people. None of us are perfect, me included. And like I said, I personally know how addictive smoking is. But there are some wounds that will never fully heal. THEY have to be ready to give it up and make a change. And although smoking is the ultimate bitch to quit, the thing is, quitting smoking never killed anyone, for as awful as quitting smoking really is.
Continuing to smoke, though, can and does kill untold people every day. So I have a lot of compassion for you, Gia. What a terrible position to be in. I only know what I would do. I hope that you can make the decision that is best for you. Only you know what those deal breakers are, and why.
I assumed that meant within the next few days. I see him smoking more. This is why I did a Google search which brought me to this page. Some are secret smokers. After awhile the secret comes out-and the heartache.
My father quit after about 50 years of smoking. Shortly, he began apologizing every time we were around, for the stink of smoking. It probably added years to his life. Oh, he had his nose amputated; half a lung removed; heart disease, and COPD as a result of his smoking.
He lied to me, he hid it from me. I eventually found out and have anxiety over it now from all the times I have caught him and him lying right to my face.
I say this because in all the years I did online dating, I regularly had men contact me that ignored what my profile said in black and white. I told him no pot smoking and he agreed. After we were dating for about 5 weeks, he told me that he smoked pot a few times a month.
I was more upset about his hiding and lying than the actual pot smoking. Anyway, our relationship ended over it. But dishonesty is a deal breaker for me! Thank you so much for sharing this. Especially when your an ex-smoker.
I was a smoker an gave up meet him an started smoking again. Totally agree about the smoking being a deal breaker. I am NOT judging, it is just that the smell is so very unappealing to me, that I could not kiss or have sex with that stench coming from their mouth, their hair, their clothes, the bedding, etc. And if I was of child bearing age, I would not want to raise children in a smoking home. You will not make a single car trip without having to stop to buy cigarettes.
Every activity will be interupted by their constant smoke breaks. I have been judged on this board for having this as a deal breaker, but basically, some on this board think women should accept ANY man who wants her. One even said criminal history should not be a deal breaker.
Ditto for my revulsion at long, Duck Dynasty Beards. Apparently, being repulsed by a mile long, gray, scratchy beard made me shallow.
My son smoked, now says he quit, not sure if he really has, since he is grown and flown. But as much as I love my son, every time I saw him with a cancer stick in his face, I just wanted to slap him upside the head. He watched his grandma die a slow, painful death over the course of 10 years.
He has seen his uncles caved in chest and side from having one lung removed. And yet he smokes or smoked. I list that as a deal breaker, so men felt justified to lie about it, to get past my filters. My hubby smoked, but quit over 40 years ago.
1) Everything Will Smell Like Cigarettes
He says it was the hardest thing he has ever done. You need to write a book. Ive never experience smoking but I cant stand it.
I dont even have friends who smoke. I am a non-smoker and dated a man who smoked 2 packs a day.
I stayed in it for almost 2 years. He asked me if I had started smoking.
Dating a smoker guy
I realized that I loved and respected myself more than compromising my health for a guy. Otherwise, much angst follows, such as in this case. Smoking was a so-called deal-breaker for me. It did. But I picked up on the fact that he was a smoker the first time we kissed - no amount of breath mints could hide it. He put more pressure on himself to quit than I did. If we were 2 years down the track and he was still a smoker, it would have really pissed me off.
We would have had to have a discussion about it. If he had absolutely no intention of quitting, and was just bullsh! Someone with a deal breaker and then lied about it, yet got rewarded with getting his foot in the door. I guess bad behavior does pay. And he was a great boyfriend - at the time.
I Found The Man of My Dreams Except For One Thing - He Smokes. What Should I do?
If you date an active smoker, there is a very good chance they will increase their smoking as they feel more comfortable in the relationship. If you date someone who gave up smoking, there is a good chance they will start smoking again, maybe once you are trapped in a serious relationship or marriage.
It best to leave smokers to date other smokers. Sara, believe what you want, but I know smokers who have quit for their partners. I wanted to give my ex that chance. Good luck to them - LOL! I could be wrong. We can all agree you had a good reason and that your friend is a twit, but why does it matter? So, this made me think deeper for a bit - good point. I agree that, at the end of the day, we date whom we chose. I wish you had read what I wrote regarding two types of smokers and assuming she is dealing with the latter.
Also, there are much more adverse consequences than weight gain when you have unhealthy habits.
Is Smoking a Dealbreaker? Dating Advice for Shy Guys (2018)
Smoking is one of those unhealthy habits, but poor diet and lack of exercise are others. Just saying there are other factors to consider as well, if that truly is the concern. Luckily, I found someone with whom I share almost identical food habits, so that makes that ct of life very easy for us. HUGE dietary differences can hamper a relationship. How are you going to dine together at home or at a restaurant if there is a HUGE descrepancy in your diets?
Heck, when I was young and single, when I was out and about with my friends, I ate what was easily available. How many people are addicted to bowling alley foo or ball park hot dogs, or food from the roach coach at an outdoor concert?
How many people are really addicted to frozen pizza at home? He probably would die an ugly death, and our lifestyles would not mesh well. A typical smoker on the hand is usually an ADDICT, and even if they are careful and considerate and smoke outside, the smell still gets on them, their clothes, their hair, their mouth.
Studies have now shown that a poor diet is the 1 cause of health issues and premature death.
Hi Evan, I've been reading your blogs and following all your advice. After several failed relationships, I finally found someone who is all the things you say that a real man should be. The only problem is that he smokes. I am a non-smoker and have never dated a smoker in the past, but I am in my mid 30's and ready for marriage. Dec 27, Date who you want! Even if someone is a smoker, there could be all kinds of great personality traits that more than make up for it. However, keep the above things in mind. There are huge drawbacks to dating a smoker if you're a non-smoker. I just started dating a girl who is a regular smoker. We have just been on two dates and kissed couple of times. And she wants to come over to my place sometime this week. The problem is she has bad breathe because of smoking and am not sure if i should see her again or should just let her know about this.
Not smoking. Anyone knows that. Again, my only point is that it is not the only bad habit that causes health issues, to people who are making that claim. Young people are not the only ones with poor eating habits and there are lots of young people with good habits.
I wonder how people would react if say, an alcoholic was a part of that set of comments or a drug addict or an abuser or a. So, it still comes down to whether the person is a good fit for you in a relationship. Of course, you still have the option to consider any of these things deal breakers. No, sorry, that argument cannot be made, apples with apples, remember? AND whoever lives with him is also more likely to have to take care of him, as smokers have increased risks of cardiovascular diseases and stroke, etc.
It makes no difference to me.
She may or may not find another great boyfriend that has all of his good qualities. Smokers which are a rare breed nowadays tend to fall in to one of two groups. Those that smoke in their house and in their cars and those that are super conscientious about it and will only smoke outside, away from non smokers. Have you ever known anyone that was a diabetic? If severe, it can lead to kidney failure. Not fun for a caretaker. Actually not even close.
No one ever had ill effects from second hand twinkies. Poor eating habits are usually a phase of bachlerhood and not really a sign of an addiciton. No nagging or arguing required. Just make him a nice home cooked meal. A sedentary life style could also be a by-product of singleness. I had a healthy lifestyle before I met my guy, but it is even BETTER now, because I have a partner to share home cooked meals with, and someone to hike and bike with and share a jacuzzi with after my exercise classes at the gym.
Once I decided to become pregnant, I went into full on health mode, and stayed the course as I wanted to raise a son with good eating habits. Getting a man to eat better and even to be less sedentary is one of the easiest things a woman can inspire a man to do. With package foods and fast foods, you never really know what you are getting.
Making meals from whole fresh ingredients not thawing out frozen pizza in the microwave give you control of the calories, carbs and sugars. I am constantly amazed at how height is a deal breaker for women. Yet, seeing my height listed as the base height for man made me feel short. Isn't it annoying to date someone who doesn't know how to relax?
They have funny stories to tell. Ask him about the first time he got high, and watch him launch into an epic tale of misdeeds. If you've already heard that story, ask him whether he's ever gotten close to being busted yeswhether he's ever sneaked someone a pot brownie yesor how she met her dealer.
When a high goes wrong, they can help out. We recently read a story on Gothamist about two high school girls who were hospitalized after eating a pot brownie. Not everyone takes to marijuana, but you can trust a stoner to know what to do when someone needs help during a bad trip. On a related note, while YourTango does not condone illegal activity, we will recommend consulting your pot-smoking boyfriend if you ever feel like trying it out. You should not attempt to get high for the first time without an experienced person present.
You might accidentally eat a pot brownie. Or if he's a jerk, he might sneak you some or make you feel like a total prude for not wanting to smoke up. If he or she can't respect your choices or he makes you feel guilty about them, move on. Otherwise, stay far, far away from home-baked pastries. You get used to the funky smell.