FAQ on Coronavirus and Mefi : check before posting, cite sources; how to block content by tags. Is this a cause for concern? This concerns me. According to her, everything is brilliant and wonderful and he is a prince who treats her with respect, love, and affection. I am posting to query how problematic this age difference is considered by mefites, whom I consider a good barometer on this sort of thing. Details about the relationship that may or may not be relevant: She and I were both raised by strict religious mormon parents.
Age is what it is.
For one thing, most people do not want their relationship to be the equivalent of gossip tabloid fodder among their own social circles. A date I recently went on showed the woman to be intelligent, sweet, accomplished, and attractive. We both suspected the age difference might be significant, but avoided the topic for as long as possible.
Yet denying reality serves no purpose. She thought I was I am I was hoping she was in her late twenties. She was Five years is one thing.
Even ten years one can start rationalizing. Yet 18 years is a tough one to justify. Having said that, a guy at 41 squiring a woman of 23 is far more controversial than a year-old man dating a year-old woman. There is an unofficial rule that exists, even though nobody seems to know where it originated. This leads to some reasonable results. A year-old should date somebody at least A year-old should stick with someone at least For somebody aged 70, the bottom limit of respectability is The problem with this is that unofficial guidelines are exactly that.
So if 40 and 27 are acceptable, one could say that 41 and 26 are close enough. Yet soon after that, the slippery slope becomes 44 and 24, which can lead to Lolita situations and other felonies.
Some may ask another question. If a man is 40, is dating a pair of year-olds equivalent to dating one year-old? From a respectability standpoint, no. From a brag and go high-five your friends standpoint, yes. If the man is a billionaire, it comes with the territory. This concerns me. According to her, everything is brilliant and wonderful and he is a prince who treats her with respect, love, and affection.
I am posting to query how problematic this age difference is considered by mefites, whom I consider a good barometer on this sort of thing. Details about the relationship that may or may not be relevant: She and I were both raised by strict religious mormon parents. We both independently left this religion years ago for saner pastures. We were taught some good and many deeply twisted, woman hating, and patriarchal things about love, sex, and relationships. She still lives at home with our parents.
She would not be homeless, because she could come live with me, but given that I live in another state she is not super fond of, I am sure she wouldn't prefer that. Because of the very high cost of rent where she lives with my parents and the fact that she is in college, she cannot get a place of her own until she finishes school so suggestions to move out are not very helpful.
She works with him, and they are keeping their relationship private for now because of that. This was a mutual decision, although they are both anxious to be public. He treats her very well and with a lot of respect and kindness. She says he has been wonderful, caring, and gentlemanly to her. THe relationship has moved somewhat fast, and she says this is the first time she has felt such mutual love and commitment. She is mature as any 20 year old I know. However, I know at 20 years old I still had a lot of growing up to do.
She is more mature than me than I was at that age though. So basically, this is a relationship where other than the age difference, there aren't really any huge red flags. The problem is, I don't know how much of a red flag the age difference is.
I'm in my late late 20's and I simply cannot imagine dating a 20 year old under ANY circumstances. She is taking a balanced perspective on this, and she realizes that even though this guy seems perfect now, things could go very wrong and is she is open to more information and perspectives. So, hive mind- please tell us, how worrisome or problematic is this age difference? I think it's a bit of a concern, but I also think you should mind your own business. You are only going to alienate your sister by telling her who she should and shouldn't date and isn't that exactly the problem with your parents, that they are trying to control her choices?
I suspect this guy might be a lot less attractive if your parents weren't so strict. As long as your sister is using birth control and otherwise taking care of herself, then I wouldn't worry.
It's not THAT big of a deal. A lot of young women date older men and get over it when they grow up a little more themselves. Honestly, the only thing that causes me concern in the facts laid out above is that they work together.
There's a reason everyone always says to stay out of office place romances. In fact, given everything else you say, this sounds like a great relationship. I hope that the workplace stuff doesn't mess it up. Don't worry about the age difference. My default attitude toward that age difference would be skepticism but openness. It's not hard to be in your 30s but at a "place in life" that's more associated with early 20s; if she's relatively mature at 20, that can match up pretty well.
So, yeah, I don't blame you for being a little uneasy over this. Doesn't sound like a problem to me. I think this is so situation specific as to defy a generalization.
It sounds like your sister is handling it well and aware of the risks. If it were me and I were you, I would give my sister support and not comment beyond what you have already. The age difference is big, but if she's as mature as you say she is, and they seem to be good together, it's probably ok. I would be more worried about what would happen if when?
It's far more likely that she would move in with him than with you, given that she's in school and has a job in her state. That seems like bad news waiting to happen. The worrisome ct would be him ready for a commitment she's not ready for-marriage, kids, etc. The best thing would be for her to really clarify her goals College?
Grad school? Moving for job opportunities? In general, I wouldn't say that a year-old dating a year-old raises any immediate red flags. I do worry that she's perhaps jeopardizing her current living situation due to point 2. I personally see nothing wrong with pre-marital sex, and even encourage it, but I'm not her parents.
She needs to tread lightly, and perhaps investigate the possibility of moving out before she's forced out. Parents are a lot less likely to find out what a child's sex life is like when the child doesn't live at home. Better to be out in the open about it than be keeping this sort of thing a secret that may later backfire or be grounds for dismissal.
Again, the age difference isn't a big deal, but the circumstances surrounding the relationship may be. What type of position is she in, that is, is she some sort of intern who when done with school will be vaulted into a better position than her counterpart? Is he married or ever been? The age difference should not really raise a concern, I figure once someone is past say around 23 or 24 and up until 45 ish the only thing age really is is a number, and perhaps you might be slightly better at trivia if you are on the upper end of that range since you have lived a little longer and might be more familiar with older pop things, but other than that it appears you are wanting to make sure his true intentions is to be with your sister and there isn't something you are missing, so I would work with the above questions and go from there.
Most people will say if she's happy don't worry about it, and well this can be true, girls at a frat house who are hopped up on xtacy about to be date raped are happy as well, its only after the high has worn off and the realization about what has occurred sets in are they not happy.
That is, she is happy, which is why she's told you about this to share her joy. Also, are you sure this is not some sort of act of rebellion on her part, and by cluing you in that can be effectuated by you cluing in your parents, she still lives at home and as you note is actively aware it could be cause for disruption of her living situation, but it's possible your parents will still weigh high cost of living and let her stay, just be disgruntled.
My sister is 39 and is married to a guy who is in his 70s. What of it? They're adults, nobody is forcing either of them, and it sounds like she's being treated well. He may very well treat her better than the immature guys her age will. He's not old enough to be her father, or even a father figure. Yes, the "they work together" thing and the "they keep it secret" thing are concerning, as is to a lesser extent, for me the "somewhat different ages and stages" thing, but in the secular world, people generally have lots of relationships and most of them don't work out.
Finally, a very distant last, verging on something that is only going to be a problem because your parents will look for problems that don't exist 3 the age difference. Everything you say about your sister and her partner makes me think the age difference is something they are going to handle well. If it helps you to get past the age difference, remember this guy was in his twenties a few months ago.
Without any evidence that this guy is mistreating your sister or using her, I wouldn't be worried, especially if your sister is mature and generally makes sensible decisions about important things.
I have been involved with someone eight years younger than me, and our relationship is both stable and long term. Honestly, I'd be more worried about the possible repercussions of dipping the pen in company ink than anything else given the facts you've presented.
But it sounds like they're aware of those risks, too. Well, I understand five years can make a lot of difference, but my mom stepmom actually married my dad when she was He was nine years older, and they are still happily married, 35 years later. They came from a similar conservative background to yours.
Does your sister's boyfriend understand or identify at all with your sister's background? Is marriage sometime in the next few years a possibility, or no? Does he have a sexual background way different from hers? The age difference in itself is not a problem. Problems arise only if they have different expectations or assumptions about how their relationship will work out. Things like money, in-laws, religion, kids are more important than age as she considers possible relationship roadblocks.
It sounds like this guy is great, so I'd say she should continue dating him while keeping her eyes open and figuring the rest of this stuff out. I'm sure she still has some growing up to do; all year-olds do, even the mature ones.
So why would it serve the purpose of helping her grow up by convincing her to remove herself from a situation that We learn by doing; we grow by experiencing. If things "go wrong" and relationship ends, then she'll learn and grow from that. Not having your first relationship work out is not the worst thing that can happen to someone; sometimes, it can be the best.
What you can imagine is right for you is not what is right for everyone else. This is a good approach. This happened, they're in love and he's treating her well by all accounts. She just needs to make sure she's treating him well. The age difference is is something that will bother other people, but if it doesn't bother them, then that's fine. In the end, it's their relationship and they, not the world or even you, have to be happy with it.
This might sound a bit out of left field, but is it possible that some of your Mormon upbringing might still be affecting your thinking a bit?
I say this only because my extended family has a healthy serving of observant Mormons, and there is a cultural pressure to marry strong view of sex outside of marriage as extremely sinful, leading to many people marrying in their early 20's.
Is a 20 year old dating a 30 year old wrong
You may be unwittingly seeing that a guy who is single at 30 as a bit of a red flag- because it's a bit unusual for Mormon guys to make it to 30 still single- so you might be unconsciously wondering if there is an issue that makes him not great relationship material.
Dating someone you work with is always fraught with issues, as others have said. And no matter how discreet they think they are being, people may still guess, because some people have a sixth sense about that kind of thing, and other people are not as good at hiding things as they think they are.
year old man who has a child, Is A 20 Year Old Dating A 30 Year Old Wrongand describes himself as an old fat balding ginger. He gets casual sex from many different attractive women on a regular basis. His name is Owen Cook (he also goes by the name of tyler durden (yes like the movie character)) this man. May 20, Yes, but probably not much younger. Also, I wouldn't take it as seriously as I would dating someone a bit older. A lot of maturing takes place during your 20's, and someone at that age is still evolving as a person. Just take it one day at a time and enjoy their company. Feb 14, In general, I wouldn't say that a year-old dating a year-old raises any immediate red flags. I do worry that she's perhaps jeopardizing her current living situation due to point 2. I personally see nothing wrong with pre-marital sex, and even encourage it, but I'm not her parents.
One of the great things about being a year-old woman is getting to date year-old men. My husband is 6 years older than me, and we met when I was I'm glad I found him, but I'm also glad I had the experience of dating casually when I was younger.
Jan 07, Everything You Need To Know About Dating A Year-Old Man As A Something Girl something lads, your day will come something Author: Elite Daily Staff. According to the rule, for example, a year-old should be with a partner who is at least 22, while a year-old's dating partner must be at least 32 to not attract (presumed) social sanction. Dating older guys is fine. A 19 year old dating a 30+ year old is a little different. I would never consider it. You may be mature for your age, and you may really like older guys, but you just aren't on the same playing field that they are.
He sounds great and she sounds like she knows her shit. Everyone's got a lot of growing up to do. You live and learn and live and learn.
I don't think you should necessarily be worried about the age difference, unless there are other warning signs. Lots of female friends of mine in college dated guys in their 30s and survived. The only warning she should have is that people in their 30s often want to settle down. Make sure she's thinking consciously about what she wants to accomplish in the next 5 years or so graduate school?
I don't see the problem here, in that it seems to be a mutually respectful relationship. Sure, dating coworkers can cause problems, but in the long run it's no big deal. As for parents who may kick her out of the house, this is a separate issue. One of the great things about being a year-old woman is getting to date year-old men as a counter to this - i found the closer a guy was to my age, the more disrespectful and crappy he was.
As long as there isn't a significant power imbalance I don't see anything significant wierd about the relationship. Regarding parents: I'm guessing they would kick her out if they found out she was having sex with anyone, so the age thing is almost irrelevant here.
Regarding work: dating coworkers is always a minefield, again the age difference is secondary. So, that being said I guess the only thing to base the relationship on is My in-laws who married latter in life are about 20 years difference.
My first gf was 9 years older than I Yeah you said it isn't an option but I was 22 when I met my thenyear-old boyfriend, now my husband.
As with other posters, the only thing that concerns me is that they work together. That could get weird fast, or it could be the source of a bad power dynamic. None of us here can know that, though. Whether or not this is a mistake isn't something any of us can know, either. In retrospect I understand why both of those relationships didn't work out, but on the other hand, both were good for me in their own way and I learned about myself. So, as long as she's not being played by an older dude for sex, she's fine, and even if she is being played by an older dude for sex, she's fine, since being played by dudes for sex is basically a round the clock risk of dating.
I don't see a problem. The only problem I would see would be if he didn't have an education, had financial problems, or some drama in his life. I know women who married guys who were more than ten years older than them, and frankly, there was a big benefit to being with someone already financially established, chiefly, being able to have kids younger rather than waiting until there's more income.
I was a 20 year old dating a 28 year old.
Jun 11, On the other hand, some people act way different when they are 30 versus Then it would not make sense if the 30 year old was dating a girl still in college while they are working. Sep 24, I have a friend who started a relationship with a 30 year old man when she was He is extremely kind and respectful and they were together for 5 years until the girl eventually broke it off (for many reasons, mainly her feelings changed). Although both are Indian and in our culture it's more common for such an age gap. Dec 31, A year-old should stick with someone at least For somebody aged 70, the bottom limit of respectability is The problem with this is that unofficial guidelines are exactly that.
Now I am a 27 year old happily married to a 35 year old. In our case, it worked out beautifully and things are pretty great with us. I am so, so glad I ddin't reject him just because of his age. Just a data point. But, I would not have dated him while living with my parents or while working with him. Too much pressure - if things go wrong and your parents find out and she has to move in with you, would she have to switch schools and jobs? There is so much on the line here; I think the age difference is not the biggest concern.
I'm much more concerned about her living under your parents' roof and risking her living situation than I am about the age difference. Them being coworkers is also a concern. Both of those things can lead to a lot more drama and strife than anything related to age differences.
What's the Best Dating Advice For Men in Their 30s?
Dating someone your parents don't approve of while you live with them, and that person also being a coworker is a horrible idea. Pretty sure no good can come from any of that. When I was 24, I very briefly took up with a 38 year old. To no ill effect, and in fact we're friends to this day. That said, that was a different situation because this guy was by no means my "first" anything - I'd definitely been around the block by 24 - and also, we broke up very quickly because the age difference made him uncomfortable the fact that at 24 I looked barely legal probably didn't help, either.
It was very obvious from the get-go that this was not "meant to be" in any significant sense. How long have they been together? That's another concern - I would feel less sketchy about this if you hadn't said that things were "moving very quickly". But that's another thing I tend to distrust no matter what the ages are. Why not meet the guy, see them together, and get a sense of what they're like as a couple?
There are plenty of immature 30 year old men in the US. I know at 20 years old I still had a lot of growing up to do. She is more mature than me than I was at that age though So what?
You're you, and she's her. You need to take care of yourself, and let her do for herself, unless or until some sort of actual harm enters the situation. And even then, you need to remember that there's only so much you can to for someone else when romance is concerned, even if they're someone you love and feel protective of.
Beginning when I was 25, I was in a relationship with a 40 year old for two years which started out by moving very quickly.
There were a lot of personality issues and personal problems that made the relationship not work on both our partsbut age itself wasn't one of the factors that made it difficult, and we are still friends now. Four years later, I can see that I got a lot out of that relationship, difficult as it was.
The only possibly, though maybe not age-related issues I can think of that arose had to do with expectations. She had certain things that she expected because she was used to them: random gifts, more formal dates, not splitting the bill. Also, as a 31 year old I can say that I've known a number of year-olds at or near my level of maturity. If they're both treating each other well, I wouldn't worry about the age difference.
I'd be more concerned about the prospects of a failed relationship with a co-worker than anything else. I was 18 when I started dating my now-husband, who was It's now 13 years later and we are still perfectly happy together. I'd be more worried in her case about the potential getting-kicked-out-of-home thing.
But since she's working, she could presumably afford to rent a place, yes? Maybe she'd have to share with people, but that's kind of normal for someone her age. I haven't read the other answers, but I have thought about age differences in dating a lot.
Mostly because I am 21 and have dated people much older than me before - pretty much the same spread as between your sister and her guy. The issues that I stumbled into were: - having kids. Be prepared to have that conversation earlier. Things that your older boyfriend remembers from childhood are different than yours. This can be a big deal or not.
Either make a joke of it or don't acknowledge it, but it is still going to come up a bunch and both parties have to be okay with it to deal with that. Who's career will take precedence in regards to things like moving - it might end up being th person more established in their which would tend to be the older partner.
This is particularly relevant if they work in the same place! It is important to integrate, at least to some degree, your friends and your partner.
Dating and the age gap: When is older too old?
Do they get along despite an age difference? This is a good indicator as to whether they are the kind of person your sister might otherwise date, just older. Basically, get ready to have a lot of conversations sooner than you might have had you not dated up a decade. It can go great, and in twenty years be of no notice to them anymore as their kid graduates high school. Or she might get burned, like any other relationship. There are just different questions to ask and risks to be taken.
I know a couple of Mormon marriages with this age spread.