If you are currently dating someone with bipolar disorder , you may struggle with a number of challenges like how you can support him or her while still caring for yourself. Knowledge is power, so learn as much as you can about your partner's disease. This will also be a healthy sign to him or her that you care. That being said, bipolar disorder is a complex disease. Try not to get too bogged down in the details. For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database. It is important when you are dating someone with bipolar disorder to recognize that their disease is a piece of their life pie, and not their whole identity.
It is not a reflection of you or your relationship, unless you have obviously done something hurtful. Save her from your ignorance. Not to be harsh, but if you believe that mental illness is just some made up condition for people to use as an excuse, then dating a girl with a mental illness makes no sense. If you love her put your personal bias about mental health to the side and educate yourself.
A book that will give you a new perspective on mental illness as Hannah shares her unapologetic message rooted in her life as living with a mental illness in a society that has labeled her and others as broken.
Hannah Blum is the author of Halfway2Hannah. She is well known for her viral quotes about mental illness that she shares across social media, and hopes to empower people living with mental illness. Like Liked by 1 person. Like Like. I feel like this post was talking about me! I have a mental illness blog and this is just so wonderful! Thank you for this post. Thank you so much Marley! I will definitely check out your blog. Sending love to you! Appreciate the support.
Hi Dino! First off thank you for being so honest with me, and you came to the right place. Women with bipolar disorder are magical in many ways, so I can understand your connection to this individual. Its interesting because the way you describe her actions are similar to my own. However, we do have the ability to make it very confusing for others to understand what we are thinking, which makes you insecure and conflicted Im sure.
She is probably just busy doing other things. The fact is she responded to you which means theres some type of interest there. The thing is, those of us with Bipolar, we struggle to truly let someone fully into our lives so we push and pull.
So heres what I would suggest-just be patient and establish a trust between the two of you. This means just be patient with it. Its the beginning stage so take the pressure off. We are not easy to read. Keep me informed about what happens. Wishing you the best. Yeah cuz they tend to sleep all dsy when depressed. She probably woke up late and replied. Also they are self absorbed.
I dated someone with bi polar for 13 months. I would advise anyone reading this that unfortunately, yes, mire often than not these types of relationships ARE doomed from the start.
They are emotionally draining, and unfair, and many have major issues with understanding boundaries. I am truly sorry, it is just the truth. I got out before she actually cheated. I am here for you right? You know that 2. I defend them from attacks from others like a guard doglol here! I cannot bear the injustice. Let them know they are appreciated for themselves. I am a musician and I could not stand being involved with anyone on any level who was mundane.
Realise that maybejust maybeyour purpose on earth is to help others; to put others first. I always think that there are no bad emotions. The only really bad one is not feeling at all. So reading your article was so much in line with what I have lived through for the past 25 years. Thank you! How can I best reach out to someone that is trying to push me away to let her know I am still there for her?
It is common for those of us living with bipolar disorder to have trust issues especially in romantic relationships. All you can do is let her know that you accept and love her as she is, regardless of her diagnosis of a mental illness. Sharing information social media accounts or blogs that talk about bipolar disorder might be helpful as well.
Hope it all works out for you. Sending love. You are commenting using your WordPress. Two of the best books to read are Mindset,The Chimp Paradox may find helpful.
You should read more of my articles and let me know what you think. I always like feedback from people that are dealing with it. After we moved and she started living in both the original and present town, trouble started. I am probably to sensitive and respond to her BS with anger and punishment though it appears she may like that abuse and rough sex. She attempts to flirt in front of me and if I leave her for a coupla hours she will assume I am screwing someone else and then use that as an excuse for attacks, jealousy games, not doing what she knows I want etc.
I have responded in anger to her by writing insulting messages and putting her down though what I write is mostly true. The last time I blocked her everywhere and wrote a messasge exposing all her weaknesses, being unattractive, stupid, unrealistic, older etc. The idea behind this was to get rid of her so that even if I bring her back we both brought each other back in the past after no contact she would not want to come back.
Of course it could be just negative attention to her. What you write about makes sense but these girls often study your weaknesses and then use the to attack. Is it too late now since the loss of respect has already occurred and her behavior is worse. This you must work on being good at. This whole idea of just being yourself in a relationship is loaded with BS because sometimes even your best self is pretty crappy.
Stop writing her insults - instead be verbal and confrontational. Writing messages like this is passive aggressive behavior and weak. I think what you need is just face to face confrontation. Not so much arguing, just letting her know how pissed off you are instead of holding it in lol. I Turned in to another person from being on too high a dose I never realised until I stopped taking it.
I stopped taking it cause my wife that I love very much was struggling. So stopped my meds cause I was like a zombie all the time and too high a dose turned me into a shell of my former self.
Plus I just wanted to be my self again and take the sum strain of her and help out more. I have always been a nice Good morally sensitive guy. She knows Im a nice guy with a good heart and morals but I been really ill for 5 wks and Now I think she has totally given up me and our relationship was a amazing until I was given too much meds.
Though I just started taking my meds again on much lower dose today. I know we could get threw this and back to both being happy. What can I do To make it easier for her until my meds are working properly. This is with any type of drug. Just abruptly quitting drugs can kill you since the body becomes reliant on them.
Just keep it as low as you can while still feeling like your true self. Let me know what her response is. My story: Met this guy at a funeral, seemed pretty nice. We started talking, and talking, and talking 3 hours every night. Great conversationalist, talked about everything. Find out he is mids, retired, small income, barely making it. I overlooked that, no problem. Started to date, movie and back to his place. I encourage him to seek employment, too young to not work.
He applies, gets a job 2, miles away. I help him financially to get there, even took the drive. We see each other four or five times in eight months, mostly communicate by phone. Phone conversations start diminishing, 3 hrs, 2 hrs, 1 hr, 45 minutes.
Continue on, same patterns, less and less communication. Then he starts to disappear for hours, no answer phone or texts. Happens more and more, same stuff. Accusation, blow-up, no talk for a day, apology, start over again.
Arguments and blow-ups are monthly now, starting in August. I arrive the 7th, to stay 10 days. On the 4th day there he says he has a meeting to attend at He leaves at I wait untilno answer to call or text. No answer. I suspect something else was up. The next day he gets sick at work, yet we go to purchase a very expensive soundbar. We get gas near home. He broke my phone. I stay 2 more days, fly home.
I have never in my life had a man to be so rude to me. It was horrible and scary. He sends these ugly texts and voicemails, none of which I responded to. He changed his number, then decides to call me ranting some more and gave left the new number for me. I really have no questions after reading all of this stuff. I responded to his text by saying the first few days were really great, that I enjoyed them, but that I too am baffled as to what it was all about. Baffled.
Oh, and btw, he actually was out on a date with the new girl 25 miles away while I was waiting! This was on the 4th day of my visit, after such a beautiful Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and partial Tuesday about-face! The arrogant, belligerent, brutal brute that he became was unimaginable! Last thing, I spent countless hours, time and money building him up, encouraging him to become more, only for him to become successful and do a and say oh well, think I want to spend all of this goodness on someone else now!
Great job, you! In all honesty, I think these articles are great. However, I think you make us BPD girlfriends sound more manipulative and monstrous than we actually are. I would really, really appreciate it if you could actually touch on the thought processes of the BPD mind more often, because you offer a lot of talk about misunderstanding the girlfriend, and not quite enough on what there actually is to understand. Seriously though, these are great and the only thing holding me back from forwarding your articles to my other half is the fact that there is way too much emphasis on protecting oneself.
I agree that is key to survival, but a relationship really should not be about survival. Like I always say, every Borderline is different.
Some are insane, others are quiet and such. I stayed because of the porn like sex and thought I fell in love but realize non e of it was true, just a lie.
Mine went from wanting to go to Vegas and get married, claiming I was her greatest love ever in life to calling the police and accusing me of DV when I peacefully came to her home to give her apartment keys back after we broke up. She seriously lost her shit and after I was in jail proceeded to get drunk and behave like a whore.
It may say worth it but this is the reality of how they can and will destroy other peoples lives and still claim to be the victim. Lol well this is what happens when sex becomes a huge deal for you. Sex is like 30 minutes of a 24 hour day. Wife of 20 years. Bi polar 1. Constant ups and downs. Financial nightmares. Neglect of children and home.
Drug abuse. Alcohol abuse. Drove me nuts. I would fight and verbally abuse her endlessly when she lied or neglected her responsibilities.
Now in hindsight I wish I did. She never took her medicine and constantly marginalized the severity of her illness. Now after a horrid break, following several years of a crappy, loveless marriage I have found my own sanity again.
Hell, I voluntarily submitted to ECT to eliminate my depression. It worked. Now separated from my wife I have decided to attempt a reconciliation.
She is now taking her medicine and is clearly stable. I am spending a weekend with her soon a date and am seeking advice on how I should proceed. What is craziest of all is as soon as my depression lifted my life got infinitely better and my love and desire for her came pouring back in like a torrent. Am I nuts to try and salvage this thing?
There are kids involved, too. She leapt at the idea of the date. Hey this is easy man, just be yourself and have a good time on the weekend. Just enjoy your time together, keep it simple and relaxed. No pressure. Just enjoy yourselves.
Have zero expectations. No judgments, no arguments. Leave the past in the past. We have been together 8years and I have known all along that he has bi polar but over time has had reason to suspect BPD and definitely alcoholism. I have love, supported, ignored and excused.
And what do I do now? Stay or go. I see a lot of his characteristics within other members of his family too. His mother is a compulsive liar who feels the need to manipulate and control everyone.
She often tries to hide behind religion and although seems to come across as a very well presented woman, she does in fact have other ulterior motives that only benefit herself. Is it normal to sleep in the same bed as your mother? I often wonder if this is why he is like he is. I do feel somewhat sorry and pity towards him but then the other sides to him quickly change my view.
Since we have been living apart he has deliberately scalded himself and has mixed medication and alcohol to cope with his suicidal thoughts. Can our marriage be saved? Which to me it sounds like you gotta go. Enjoy your freedom from this man. Work on yourself, give your children the best environment you can. Having him away from your kids is a good thing for them, believe me.
Turns out he lives 80 miles from me now, pure coincidence since we grew up 1, miles from here. We exchanged numbers started talking every night for hours, after a few weeks we finally saw each other and spent the weekend in my city. We decided to be exclusive and picked up where we left off 25 years ago, it was sweet and amicable.
Everything was wonderful then 2 months into it I asked him about a photo that was taken while I was out of town, he flipped out on me, started pacing the apartment yelling at me, his rage came out of nowhere, sobbing I left my apt for work when I returned he took all my food and my extra apt key!
Back and forth texting fighting ensued for weeks. Back story, we dated in high school and I was bullied by a girl who liked him too, eventually it ended I never told him about he bullying. So, 5 years ago he married said bully, he started seeing her after being away for 20 years. Furious at this I emailed the wife and had it out with him.
Lie to me about his wife? I am still trying to understand wtf I did for this to happen!
In the beginning of our fight I was trying to make up with him, just move on from this, it turned into a horrible exchange over a period of 5 weeks, I blocked him on FB and my phone. How does a person go from wonderful to a monster instantly? It turned bad because this guy clearly has issues that are far bigger than you.
At least you got out early before it got serious so give yourself a pat on the back for that. That is just silly. Would you sit and argue with a 5 year old? We broke up in August of after snooping through my phone to find things. She made me out to be a cheater cause my Facebook activity showed me liking random video posts and a friend request like two a girl a thought knew. In the past, usually, some event would happen were end up together hanging out, next thing I know we are back together.
The hater phase would more than not end up in break up and the cycle continues. Throughout the years, her number one thing to randomly attack me over was that we never moved forward.
I never proposed to her. We never could accomplish that. I realize now a lot of that was my fault because of how I treated her. Not bad, but after the initial high of a week or two being together, I believe I curves my behavior to go into a protective shell waiting for her to blow up over something and leave. I heard a rumor from a distant friend that she was sleeping with my old best friend when we were broken up. I came at her pretty aggressive trying to get to the bottom of it for about a week off and on.
She acted nuts when I confronted her, but change the subject and it was almost like I never questioned her. Before even questioning her, I wanted her back, but was trying to be strong. Now after re-analyzing our entire relationship after the news. I decided I wanted her back at any cost. Anyway, needless to say, my head was not in the right place trying to talk to her about getting back together.
I felt like if we moved forward and I proposed and we started working on a wedding date it would, remove a lot of bitterness from not moving forward in the past and help ease her insecurities. Needless to say, I was so wrong. I made all the classic mistakes that I typically would not have made in the past.
She immediately brought a new guy into the picture that she met two weeks prior to me questioning her. I stopped by her house to talk to her and say a goodbye which went ok. We hugged and i left. On way home had car trouble and called her for help. She first said she was coming to get me, but later told me she was not. I ended up walking to her house, charged my phone, got a cab home. Next thing I know, I have a restraining order against me stating a one sided embellished story that paints a completely different picture.
I immediately went and filed a counter one against her based off irrational threatening txts to me and the false reports. Her order of protection was passed previously this month, but mine against her was pushed out to next week.
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The temp order of protection is still in place. My first instinct is to drop it because I love her, but on the other hand if I do that, I believe I play into her and come across weak when me being weak and putting myself out there too much is what got me into this situation. Knowing what I know now about BPD Is scary, but makes me want her even more cause now I have knowledge and understanding for myself instead of per confusion and their obviously is help out there for this. Ideally, we both drop the bs, turn the intensity to great intimacy like we have so many times in the past, but this time move forward and get the needed mental help for both of us.
Curious of what your thoughts and how me putting an order of protection against her like she did. What are the pros and cons from how she will interpret each path in the long run? What are your thoughts? I mean you basically sent a restraining order as well which I think was pretty cool lol. So in all honesty, the best move here is to just keep that order going and ignore her. Like I rarely advocate no contact, but this is one of those cases where you should go no contact with her for a bit.
If she reaches out to you, then you can slooooowly amp it up over time. Hi Rick. I reassured i would never leave herand i would be just as hurt. She would tell me things like i was her best friend and i believed it.
After the first time we made love she cried and told me she was damaged. She told me i was her best friend and i felt the same. She seemed depressed. My fiance said something like if that had been you or us she would be donei said you would break up with me over a sentence?
And she said nobody talks to me that wayi was kind of shockedthe day before she broke up with me she texted me saying i was the love of her life. She sent all my belongings in the mail 2 days later. I have tried to reach out to her several times through text. That made her really angry. I texted the next day i was sorry.
So i sent her a 4 page letter explaining why i said what i saidand told her i was aware that her issues and fears of her past are very real and we can even go get counseling together. I also sent her all of her favorite chocolate s as an apology gesture. I said i will not contact you again and it finally sunk in that you want nothing more to do with me. Take this as a big learning experience. But you really did everything wrong with this girl from the very beginning, you broke every rule in the book and did everything that only pushes women away.
So like I said, just use this as a learning experience going forward. You have a lot of mindset issues that would need to be addressed and a complete overhaul of the way you think about relationships. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 years now, and i have always been very supportive and caring to my boyfriend who has bpd, he got diagnosed for bpd 5 months ago.
My childhood has been difficult because i grew up with my mom who also has bpd, i had a rough childhood moving from home to home since i ended up in the child welfare and was places in foster homes.
What I really want to know is if your boyfriend knows he has issues? Does he try to work on himself or is he in pure denial? Rick, I will try to put this a short as possible. I need your help please. Recently, and I hate to put the label on her, but have determined she is BPD, with the exception of being suicidal, she checks off every other bit of criteria. I think it would have driven me crazy.
Ever since I have left, we have stayed in contact. She tells me she loves me, but then will go on and on about how bad and mean I was to her?
I will admit I did stand up for myself, sometimes with anger, my mistake. I never realized what I was dealing with, until recently. Rick, I do love her a lot, so much so, I have asked myself do I have the emotional stability to handle this type of relationship. Can I train my mind and my spirit to learn how to live and love this women and still be happy.
She can be the most loving and respectfully person in the world, but during the times she is raging, she can be the meanest. However, she seems to change the story, and takes no responsibility for her actions, and makes everything my fault. Is that possible? Can you help? Sorry to be redundant but, can you help me? Well I have my course and personal coaching that can help. Do you even know what you did wrong?
You should start by telling her to shut up about the past and move on. Tell her that. I am currently in a relationship that is damaged but fixable. However, that would be the first reaction running through my mind.
Having him around, loving me, and being constant was exactly what I needed, I had always feared that he would leave me once he witnessed the extent of my disorder. But I just wanted to introduce a new outlook to you.
Some, like me, search for someone to pull us up and not take care of us but help us take care of ourselves. I really like your comment altogether because it shows that everyone is different. So I agree with you as I always say to treat each person as their own unique individual.
If she likes the white knight, then by all means do it. But generally, women are repulsed by it. I want to ask you your advice.
I dated a boy for 3 years. At least 3 times he showed me a side that terrified me. He isolates himself and I have fallen into that pattern as well. I decided to leave him. It hurts immensely but I feel like our relationship wont work unless he gets help, which he flat out refuses to do.
I feel unsafe, unhealthy and unhappy. He is a beautiful soul but this Pain It scares me and I hate when its directed toward me. I tried so hard. Is there hope of us getting back together and making it work? Without him getting professional help is it possible for it to work and for both of us to be happy?
If so, how? So my bigger concern for you is your feelings of sadness around others. I was ignorant to facts about being with someone with BPD until last summer.
Our relationship hits on almost every point you made in this blog. Now that I have made this realization Over the past 4 months or so I have been trying to kindly enforce boundaries like actually going out of the house and stop trying to be her savior. Unfortunately she does not react well to this.
One thing to realize is that dating a bipolar person is inherently unfair to you - you will have to make emotional concessions for them that neither you, nor any other normal person, would need or expect, much less deserve. You can still love someone who is bipolar and have a great relationship, but it requires flexibility and forgiveness. Hannah Blum Dating during your twenties is an experience in itself, but when you live with a severely stigmatized condition like bipolar disorder, dating can really be a challenge. As a year-old mental health advocate who is publicly open about her life with bipolar II disorder, I have often experienced stigma in my dating life. Dating someone with bipolar disorder can be challenging, because you can't control when your partner experiences a mood shift.
She is angry and becomes depressed when i try and do anything for myself, she will just go to bed. I do love her dearly but i am calling it quits. MY thoughts are consumed by this now. Now, I do not know to encourage her to move back or not. IF we break up, there is no way she will stay here. AHHH complications!
Thanks- E. You just need to tell her that she needs to do what she feels is best for herself and if that means ending the relationship, moving back, etc. Adear rick, very straight forward site. Hope you can give me some advice.
Dating bipolar girlfriend
He,s been in a high to extreme high pase all the time i,ve known him, so i have yet to see the depressive side. We blend very well in ALL areas. So far, hes treated me with gentleness, kindness and respect. He,s told me he,d like to get married at some future, although not necessarily to me. I really don,t want marriage. I,m pretty independent and have been for a very long time, but i really enjoy the close relationship he and i have together and would hate to see it end.
I,ve had 2 very long term relationships since being married, so i know i can have a close loving friendship without having to be married or living together. I,ve seen his manic symptoms. What does trouble me. He does take meds. I,m not a fixer. But, alcohol is what ruined my 25 year marriage, and i don,t want to go there again.
To use this technique you need to:Address the specific behavior that is bothering you rather than globally blaming the saporiviafrancigena.com at the person and speak firmly (not apologetically or loudly).Tell the person exactly what they did that upset you and how that made you feel using " I" Suggest what the person can do in the future to prevent this. I been dating a bipolar girl for past two months. Everything was going well, up until last friday the The two days after work each night, she spent all day at a guy friends house. Apparently from what i gathered, she and him fell asleep in bed. Nothing happened, just fell asleep. Dating With Bipolar Disorder Bipolar disorder can become an issue from the very start of a relationship. When you first meet someone you like, it's natural to want to make a good saporiviafrancigena.com: Stephanie Watson.
Should i speak up? What should i expect when the high wears off and the other phase sets in? Should i just enjoy what we have together now, and not expect a future together? He,s important in my life, and i believe i am to him as well. What do you foresee in your crystal ball? Yeah addiction of any kind can be dangerous as you know. Feel free to share stories of the past with him about how alcohol ruined your previous relationships.
The key is to not be a fixer. So I will know that I need to handle the situation in a more appropriate way. More importantly, she wanted to have a family so do I. But another challenge that we will face is the baby might inherit her sickness. Hope that I can handle this relationship well because I really love her. So the best case scenario is that your girlfriend gets her issues handled before having children.
If you really want to help her, the way you do it is you let her understand how important self-improvement is to YOU. This behavior of yours will rub off onto her due to the laws of attraction.
So you need to make self-improvement a part of your lifestyle. Depression is usually caused by a lack of desire to live.
Why does this happen? No goals, unsure of their path, lack of self-worth, etc. So to heal these problems, you must have goals and feel valuable. May I know where did you get this source from? I really need to read it. Moreover, you got a very good point. Depression may cause or lead to lack of desire to live.
Helping her to find the purpose to live do help her to overcome the pain during and trying to have the will to live. Dear Rick, please show me more readings that BPD is not genetic problem but psychological. Million of thanks! So imagine being a child growing up in an environment with BPD-like parents. Not the disorder. Well, somehow you got the point. Thanks a lot. I was doing that for the past couple of years and while it may have got me some fans, the reality is that the hard truths are what last.
So expect more hard truths going forward. Get on my email list if this excites you which it should! But after sometime she started to detach herself from me and I read about this illness in great detail due to which I become extra protective towards her and at the same time I was going through a very bad stage in my life.
I tried to reach out to her she said she needs her space and will be back once I give her that. After sometime I did communicate with her but still no concrete reply but I love her and yes I read your article about perfection you feel with these people at the start and you drop your weapons down. I did that exactly and I suffered. I asked her in the last conversation if she is dating anyone and if she is I will leave right away, she declined straight away.
Its like she has found spark in many guys but after sometime it all fizzes out. Like she was just stuck with this guy for hours on whatsapp late night but now she is like detached again. I understand her completely I committed some mistakes and she also has but I have grown from them. Trust me before it was very tough to stay away from talking to her I used to make a complete fuck about me before.
On May 9th she pings me but I ignored because I knew she was just trying to gain attention which she was getting all this while just stopped. This has been the case till now I love her I will accept her if she comes back but will talk when she comes back substantially to me.
Please guide how I can build myself in the process before she comes back to me! I know this story is incomplete and she has to come back to me I am sure but destiny is a fickle minded bitch.
I accept all her faults and mine too. I rest my case. We were together ten years and of course in BPD fashion she had a new boyfriend in about 2 weeks.
Broke my heart, but still want to be with her. She came to get the last of her stuff last night, I played her well. First, she had me bring down a big box of all her clothes, she had me put them on top of the 2 jackets the new guy got her for her birthday - both jackets were cheap.
Tips for Dating Someone With Bipolar Disorder
She started telling me how the new guy is spending all her money she has a good job, and he works part time for min. I had her in the palm of my hands by the end of the night when I made her leave.
Fast forward to today, I pocket dialed her - she blocked my number then. Managed a partial salvage by sending a text that she replied to only because I did so well last night. But the pocket dial really fucked things up. Been in a relationship with a bipolar BPD female with an eating disorder for three years. That combined with fear for what our someday-kids might go though and a bit of cold feet on my part, made me break up with her and move out without really trying to confront her and talk things out.
5 Tips for Dating with a Mental Illness - Kati Morton
Thoughts, recommendations, tips? You got to take care of yourself first.
Reiss said that this situation may lead to feelings of guilt. Reiss said. You can absolutely have a healthy, happy relationship with a partner who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
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