Divorce rates in the United States are declining-except for people over Twenty years ago, just one in 10 spouses who split was age 50 or older; today, according to Dr. Why this surge in breakups? As people live longer, they have more opportunities to grow-and grow apart. As the kids grow up and move out, the glue that holds many marriages together dissolves.
Good luck to you! That sounds tough. I hope, in the year since you wrote this, that you have met someone who is good to you and good for you. Greg - I hear you. My ex-wife 20 yr marriage celebrated turning 50 with several brief affairs, never ever dreaming I would find out. So where are all the single, fit, something women? What am I missing? Evidently at 50 I am missing something too. I would gladly settle for just one.
Not every on run after younger women, I like older one. Its amazing this thread continues after all this time. If not a dating sitethen how do people like us meet? I know a few that do this and when I ask them out, they look at me like I had two heads.
They go through more drastic changes than men do at this age. So in many cases it can be understood. The problem is that when they do go out or advertise themselves online, they rather go for a brief encounter with a decent guys instead of a matching ones. I know those, too. No self criticism. My guess is that they are still dreaming about that prince, like little girls, hoping that an awesome guy will fall in love with them.
Well, women are more emotional, not as rational as men so this also should be understood. I get hits from women older than me, even 10 years older! What are they thinking? They look like my mother. The luckiest guys over 50 are those who enjoy sex with older, overweight women and have enough energy to go to gym regularly. I have a couple of good friends like this, so I tried that too. In my experience, personal hygiene was in par with their weight.
Well, this also should be excused because it is harder to keep large body clean than the tiny one, especially in hard to reach areas. I hope it answers your question. Never thought about the smelly part.
After being there for him through drug rehab and all his other addictions; my 58 year old ex told me he was going to go find a BBW that has a secure job and can take care of him and all he has to do is service her once in awhile. What type of fridged and cold woman do you end up with.
Holy crap. I am appreciative of the feedback although it is a little brutal. Just your normal everyday wtf insecurity stuff.
I have no idea what my future holds. I am a bit terrified. I never thought this was going to be it. My family was forever, I believed that. Regardless, to the guys contributing, thanks for your two cents. It is much appreciated. Wish you all the best in finding your happily ever after. Im approaching 60, still attractive with only a few extra pounds and very creative.
But I my experiences were that men wanted me to put my faith into them, yet they really werent there for me.
Especially after divorce, one helpful rule is to say to yourself, "I will not get into another serious relationship for at least six months, or 12 months" or whatever you decide. That will make your dating after 50 more relaxed and fun. Who knows what delightful things might happen? As a woman knocking on 50's door, with a marriage soon to end in divorce after 26 years, I feel a bit insecure. I am glad I don't have a weight, hygiene, hormone, or hag issue to deal with! Just your normal everyday wtf insecurity stuff.
Now I just want to make more money for my older needs as I never found Mr. Men are not wild about women with a child from a difficult ex They dont want problems so theyll just get out of it w young woman. Sussn - I empathize, but let me share what I uncovered. Very well said Greg.
We had a failure in communication that seemed to start breaking down as the kids were leaving for college. There have been wonderful happy times raising three gorgeous children, 2 in college 1 in mid teens, all seem to be happily adjusted life is good. However, about 5 years ago I discovered with her help a little problem in my family called alcoholism and cleaned up my act many years ago and got sober.
However she continued to drink. This was, I believe, part of the problem. I love you go away! They will need me. However these types of relationships are very destructive to us and is modeled by our children. So the behavior might not be of a psycho it might be behavior modeled after our parents! Give us a break!
It also includes people who were raised in other types of dysfunctional families. They tend to be very responsible and take very good care of others which helps create the delusion that everything is normal but we guess at normal.
Many of us live in denial about this thinking that our parents were wonderful role models for how to love our partners stop and think how many times did you see your mother and father hugging? How many times do you remember your mother hugging you? Those were two very eye-opening questions for me. But ladies, do your homework on narcissistic abuse before dating a guy that seems too good to me true. Holy shit, Valerie. Skip is speaking his truth, which is actually pretty heartbreaking and painful for anyone that has walked that path.
So, not a narcissist, just a divorced dad, trying to do the next right thing and not get kicked for it. Getting out of mine! Only good thing were 2 beautiful grown children doing very well for themselves.
Yep, even a 83 year old retired Baptist minister stated that after menopause the only thing they want is money and that they are no longer interested in the physical side. To Dave from Dave I agree, I tried my luck at 2 dating sites for about six months, and not even a wink or a smile. Women do seem to make more of the mans looks rather than anything else. I have much better things to do with my time than waste it with little chance of success.
Even if you found a woman believe me after a while you would not live up to her expectations. We are in an anti malewomen are the victims of men period in history. Stay single keep your money and rent sex if you need it that bad. Hi Dave My name is Sophie 3. I have been were you are. It would be nice to meet someone who is honest, looking for someone their age not 20 years younger. I usually start my profile letting men my age know I am disabled with MS.
Does not stop me from living, things just take longer. Especially music wise. My favorite is the Blues and always rock and roll. My life did a I like to say but as I have been told I have lived all ready for 3 people.
Things have changed for me but I am still going to live just not enough for 3. I am in the Boston area. Maybe a bit of a chat. Sophie 3. Im 54 and I am on a couple of dating sites. I post just my profile picture, username, age and city and that is it! I get 25 to 30 messages a day from different woman and an average of 45 - 50 that have viewed my profile.
So I have to agree with Dave. You can meet someone at any age. I think that women Kitty is a jackass. If you are looking, you will find someone. These are negative stereotypes and utter bull. John, you are so right. Be open to your likes as well as the person in your life and above all be honest.
Life is definitely easier for women! It is insane to think otherwise. Consider a few facts: 1. Women have the ability to go out an any given night and be outnumbered 3 to 1 by men.
Men are looking for someone to just acknowledge them. Does anyone really believe that men are not the most docile people in the ordinary family. Consider the body differences ovulation and PMS and just consider how often women are friends with other women.
Men have friends from childhood. Women rule the world and it is not pretty behind closed doors. Case in point why men are looking for younger women. That means emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical. I have nothing against sex and I feel it is an important part of a successful loving relationship. Hi Debbie, I read your last couple of replies and agree with you about sticking to your values.
Do not let anyone make you feel differently. I do enjoy sex and I crave that closeness with a loving partner.
You Got This
If you men want the younger women then go for it. I prefer someone around my age because I will have more in common with that man and hopefully they will have the same level of maturity. Wow no comparisonBest love I have ever had. Not all are divorced - some are widowed as I am.
10 Mistakes to Avoid When Divorcing Over 50
Kathy, I am a guy who has an older lady friend and we are very open with each other. She is still quite beautiful at 70 and is newly divorced.
She told me that her husband has ED problems and has for years. The last time I talked to her she was thrilled at how many young men were wanting to date her. She is still quite sexual and has had several men much younger, says she feels like 30 again. As much as I still enjoy sex at 50, for me sex is a special act, sacred even, shared between two people who really care about each other.
I think it is the most precious gift you can give another person. Those are just my standards. I will date to find my forever friend and marry and then consummate the marriage. Giving myself away to a man with sex is degrading. The relationship ends and where are you? There are many women in other cultures who do not have sex before marriage and they expect to be seriously pursued by men who are capable of supporting then as well as their families on certain cases and it end up producing very long-term and successful marriages.
Maybe American women should study the other cultures too see if any of their practices would work for them. Ya, I caught that as well. It is a medical fact that women past menopause no longer desire sex what I do not understand is why women are on dating sites when they are no interested in the physical side - at best it is very nasty. At least there are women over 50 who are honest in the descriptions and make it very clear that they are no longer interested in sex.
That makes us all feel so much better. Thank you. Yes freindships are important but to say that the chances of finding someone are THAT bleak is just mean. I live on this world for over 50 years. I have friends and coworkers dating women from online websites, casual encounters, everything.
And I never saw a guys over 50 with women 20 years younger. Except celebrities who can really do it, all talk about guys preference to date women the age of their daughters is just a cliche. Not true at all. I see this repeated on this website many times and I wonder where it comes from. This is just a BS. They ALL come with children and usually they are from different countries so they also upgrade the lifestyle for their children.
That is my experience. Sorry ladies. Everyday Joe gets anything he can put his hands on to save money on massage with happy ending. Old, overweight, dressed up as men, with bad hygiene and horrible attitudes, full of baggage from previous marriages. These guys hope for the best, do their best, try very hard, and eventually run away from them. Usually the next morning. I see this happening over and over again.
It happened to me, too. What a terrible thing to say. This is definitely a generational thingand my generation just did not produce great relational partners. We are the transitional generation. The peanutbutter between the baby boomers and turn of the century kids. We got the shaft being middle kids. Nice attitude. I choose to keep an open mind and not judge people.
That I find hard to believe! I live in Boise, Idaho as a male, it is horrible. So, women do have it better at least here in the Treasure Valley, Idaho. Guess that depends on what part of the country they are in.
The ratio here in Boise, Idaho favors women. I am moving to Raleigh, NC in a few days. Kinda getting sick of it! When most of the people here are married or have a girlfriend, the odds go down. You will find someone, men are not all the same. Not all men in their 50s want to start a new family, with a younger lady.
Dating at 50 after divorce
We might want to be able to relate, talk about commonalities etc. Men might be fun shy by 50, not wanting drama, or gold diggers. So find your match, might have to look harder. As for men older than you, be aware that those years and our shorter life span conspire. So you are 65, and that dude is 75 with less miles and poorer health prospects. We know people in that boat 65 year old lady, who cannot travel with her less than healthy hubby.
Food for thought. Kitty, Interesting. I became a widower in after nearly 20 years of marriage to my same age partner. She died just after our 50th birthday.
We had sons ages 14 and 16 in the home. She died of breast cancer. I had not dated much prior to my marriage primarily due to my career demands in a family business. But I enjoyed being a family man. I started going out about a year after becoming a widower. My wife had two children from prior marriage who were outraged. Our two sons were ok with me going off. I would not call it dating at first.
Looking back, I was learning to breathe again. Some women were mean. I am an inherently monogamous person, but several women had casual sexual relations with prior lovers while showing serious interest in me.
One lady asked me to work on her computer and while there, discovered her midnight escapades, sometimes after I dropped her off from an evening.
One received a call on her phone machine while I sat in living room and she in her bathroom inquiring if I had left yet and to call, he was circling the block.
One called me late one evening, drunk, to tell me she missed me. I had gone camping with my sons. She was a Sunday school teacher. I went to her house to find her passed out in the floor, door unlocked. We talked. My point is, it is really confusing out there. Me get mixed signals. Usually a sign of some extended emotional codependency going on involving sex. Hi, I am 72, wid0wer, my wife had been sick for 10 years, some time at home, then a Care Home, then a Nursing home.
I have been out with some ladies, I am amazed. They were or were old enough to be nannies, They are nothing like you would think of a nanner. They appear to have been to the gym for an hour a day! I am not complaining, as I see sometimes 2 or 3 one week, then 4 another week. Excellent content. But, if any of you ladies know of any ladies in Treasure Coast Fl that would like to connect and have some fun just email me or contact me 7 7 two 9 nine nine right 1 three 3. Than why bother looking for someone?
I could say is hahaha. The grass is greener on the other side. Because women are never satisfied. Emotionally sexually. Financially men are never Rich enough. Your wisdom is flawed. Lumping all women into one category is ignorant. I did all I could to prevent it. Some men are the ones not satisfied, even when they have a faithful, supportive, loving spouse.
I am recently divorced August I agree. You have to be happy first. Men my age play too many games smdh. Good luck men with those 40 somethings with young children. I am your age and younger men than me are being attracted to me.
Initially when I became single again I gave those men attention, after few dates I found them extremely boring. I simply ignore the attention they give me. Since my separation I had many accomplishments at work and i rebuild my social life as a single woman with many friends.
I am very happy being single. I know I will continue to have great accomplishments with or without a man in my life. I have a son who I have great relationship with.
We reads books together and we are interested in the same issues. He gives me great support for all my work accomplishments. When he will leave the nest I probably will feel lonely, but I will not waste my time looking for a man, because the selection is.
You have to remember that this time what you are looking for is not clear. The first time you wanted husband house and kids. The second time the wants are not that clear and therefore more difficult to find. Also you have to remember that we live in a disposable society if something is not quite right about someone we simply dump him.
That makes it more difficult to get to know people. The question will be if you will do something about him or simply let him go. English your second language? Your post says not to give up but is about how you gave up because of you need for constant entertainment rather than compatibility. Not amount of education and social status will ever be attractive to a straight man. You bore easily because YOU are the bore. If you have no interest in dating, why are you posting here.
At fifty six and single with kids a decade. Utah of those I was a steel contractor. Honesty and integrity are so important. I hope you find someone who appreciates you. Debbie, you should open an agency. That is very sweet, Igor.
Thank you for your kind words. It is simple, really. Sounds like there is not enough love in the world. I like spreading some around in the hopes that one day I will find a nice man to spend my life with who will love me back. It is said that what you put out into the world will come back to you. And I suspect that women feel the same way but am not sure so I am asking here. The eldest with her boyfriend of 11 years. From time to time they join us for dinners or game nights or just to watch a movie.
I view my job at this stage, being to help my three kids save for their first houses. I derive a lot of pleasure out of sharing my time with five very fine young men and women whom I am proud to call family.
I wonder though if women feel a sense of freedom at a different stage in parenting or age presumably of their youngest child than a man does. Is it when your child finishes high school, graduates university, gets that first job, moves out of the family house, gets married, has a child of their own? I know that a parent is always bonded to their children and suspect that bond is maybe stronger for a mother than for a father, but at what stage do you reckon a single mother feels free of her parenting responsibility?
Some weeks I have slackers for varying reasons but on balance they do what is expected of them - they are good house mates! They are a pleasure to be around and not a burden even though I sometimes get ticked off when I feel one of them is not pulling their weight as they ought to. For me that sense of freedom came around about the time that my youngest explained his strategy for completing his undergraduate, masters, PhD course of study.
He put my mind at ease that although his timetable is not the timetable I would have chosen at the same age it is what he is comfortable with and what he is confident about. I know that he will land on his feet even if he encounters a setback. What a kind, noble Father you are! I have a 22 year old son at Uof I and a daughter who is a senior in H.
Still deciding on colleges. I devoted my life to my children, and have no regrets. It is time for me. With or without. God speed.
Well, I may not need a man to rescue me financially or help raise children, but I not only need a partner, I want a partner. What do I need? Hugs, physical touch, someone to touch in the night, it is a very lonely place without the very thing many of us divorced people took for granted. You cannot buy genuine intimacy, that must come from give and take. So yes, I have the career, the stability, the grown children, but I would be at my finest with a friend and lover beside me, a strong man.
Now I want to be your loving companion and friend and live with you in harmony, love, understanding, and just being there for you to hold you tight and embrace you on all your lonely nights!
At least you are truthful. Face it, we all want what you said if we are healthy normal people. What would she need him for, anyway? Wanting is not the same as needing. I graduated at 17, met my husband. I continued to do what I call all of the mom things and loved doing those thingswatching her cheer. Just continue to be honest to tell all men to avoid you unless they also do not want a sexual relationship.
Wish all women were that honest!
Thanks for posting this, Linda. After divorce, some strange realizations are surely in store for both sexes. One is how much your dating pool has shrunk since you were last looking for love. Another is how poorly most Americans have been taking care of themselves. Unlike most I think people dating after 40, I set about educating myself thoroughly about how attraction is created in both sexes, so as to put my very best self forward. This gave me a stronger sense of self, a stronger sense of masculinity and how to express it, and a stronger sense of where women are coming from and the cues they naturally give us.
What continues to surprise me is what little effort is put forth in general by the age appropriate women, in all venues combined, to meet. An attractive woman in her 20s may sit coyly and bat her eyes, and merely select her choice of suitor from the ensuing male attention. But what are the 40s and 50s women thinking? In my experience, she is not putting herself out there. Perhaps her excuses have become self-fulfilling. But why should I give up?
It could be that women in their 40s and 50s are lost in finding their role in this new age of dating. What do you think? It is because women beyond menopause are not interested in men - I do not understand why this so difficult - there is so much information out there to support this very common knowledge.
Just look up marriage statistics provided by the census. Once women hit 50 they outnumber men and it gets progressively worse each passing year. So if a women thinks sitting around waiting for prince charming is a good strategy, time is not your friend, so good luck with that!
I really feel this is too negative. I have kept in shape and work and looking good and being kind and interesting, positive not jaded.
In the real world and online, I have men from mid 40s onward interested. Most are around my age. I haven found the right one yet, but I see a lot of similar ages people getting together even though men and some women dream about getting someone much younger. The dating pool is none existent when you have kids at my age any suggestions. You are to old to have kids that young anyway. Now that your fascination with your young thang is over. Screw that. Try to meet women who also have young children.
We are out here and looking for the same thing. Life stage is equally important as age. There are many women that would love to get to know a man who is widowed with small children, including myself.
Hang in there! You will find someone if you stay positive and take good care of yourself. He is remarried to a lovely younger woman and their family has now grown to four children. I think the odds are in your favor but you have to stay positive, be a good companion and have a sense of humor.
It is obvious you succeeded before and you will againage is only a number. What about early 40s, never been married and zero children, do not want children ever, and do not care whether or not I ever marry, or just have a years long relationship unmarried? Thats a category of people I know for women, myself included.
Not everyone wants kids. Not all women get married either. I am perfectly happy as is. You want someone who cares about you, not who sees you as an accessory. Can we all finally agree men are fundamentally defective? Sounds like even more fun. After everything Ive done, succeeded at and been through thats my value?
Paying to be a nanny. When I first started dating, I wondered if I would ever feel those exciting feelings I felt with my first husband. I doubted it. Let me reassure you!
When the person is right and the time is right, all of those feelings come roaring back. In fact, after the first time my new husband kissed me, after he left I actually started crying because it was clear that a new relationship meant new feelings of romance and desire and love that I was worried would never come back. I read not long ago that midlife men are least likely to practice safe sex. Just a little warning from your midlife divorce recovery expert! That was important groundwork.
Slowly I became confident enough to think about sharing myself with someone else. I opened up my heart to friendship and love again. I will admit, though, you usually have to bite the bullet and actually have the guts to get out there again. Be choosy. Do you have the characteristics on that list?
Not over your first spouse?
Holds a grudge? Look at the whole dating thing as an adventure, as an exploration even after Have fun! Learn about lots of other people. Learn more about yourself. That will make your dating after 50 more relaxed and fun.
Who knows what delightful things might happen? Thank you So Much for this! I am going to be 57 next month. I have been divorced from my second husband of 20 years, for 6 years now. It was very painful.
I dated a whole lot at first, and failed at it miserably. My last dinner date was 2 years ago. I decided to take these last 2 years to figure out what I want and learn to take care myself for a change.
Ready to go bu TV I have a major question. I have been told TV hat since there are soooo many single women looking, yo uh have to be pretty aggressive in elbowing out the competition. Your thoughts and findings? Very curious!!! Thank you! Boundaries are good to have before stepping back into the dating scene.
Trust to me is the most important quality to look for. When we are all feeing vunerable as we both been hurt as post divorcees. I am in the vert beginning of finding out my husband of 2 years, together 12, wants a divorce and wants me to move out immediately. I am scared to death. I am 50 and I wonder if I will ever find someone.
During my research of dating advice, I found your website midlifedivorcerecovery. I also have a bunch of amazing resources that would link up perfectly in a well written, resource-rich, and informative article. If interested, I could submit some topics to you for review. These topics will fit your audience and their needs. Several things women over 50, even earlier, need to accept, All men do NOT like to see a woman with fake breasts.
6 Rules for Dating Over 50- Engaged at Any Age - Coach Jaki
Fake breasts as she ages look ridiculous. A woman who refuses to accept the act that her weight is a sign of the concern she has for herself, and others, is headed for failure. I have encountered numerous women who roundly ridicule a man for using a toupee, but will not hesitate to wear a wig or refuse to criticize other women for doing so.
Women wear all types of underwear to give a false impression of their physical attributes, again being a FRAUD. Stop thinking you should be entitled to be dating Clark Gable when you look like a haired nancy pelosi covered in a ton of fake skin, etc. One more point. DO NOT wear clothing that displays your undergarments.
Join a meet up group. Go to wine tastings, networking events and strike up conversation with people who interest you. When I moved on after my divorce, I found myself in Costa Rica on a school trip for my son. Another mother who was also divorced and I became fast friends. She opened me up to an entire community of single women also on a consciously evolving path. They are my power posse. Resentment and anger are silent killers.
They keep you in a victim role and will eventually chip away at your health. Focusing on what he did wrong will leave you stuck, miserable, and alone. Do get yourself a kickass therapist or coach You are responsible for past decisions and current circumstances regardless of what went down in your marriage.
What is the truth in your current world? What were the bad choices that you made and will never make again? What can you learn about this contrast in experience? How does it inform your future desires? What do you need to do to be happy? What needs to change now? The Universe has handed you one giant opportunity to reinvent things from scratch. Do take control. Get clear on the life you want to be living.
For some people, that happens before they move out. Others are still emotionally married after the divorce is final." Dena Roche started dating while waiting for her divorce . Aug 10, 10 Do's And Don'ts For Women Starting Over After Divorce At Here you are a woman in midlife, starting over after divorce. What now? You may feel battered and bruised coming out of a divorce. Whether yours was an amicable separation or a full-blown battle, now is your opportunity to begin again and create the life you have always wanted. Dating in mid-life requires patience, perseverance and a bit of knowledge. Getting divorced later in life can be a drag. Dating in mid-life can feel impossible. But with the prospect of growing old alone, many people over the age of 45 ultimately start to actively date in the hopes of meeting a suitable companion.
Where are you? How are you spending your days? Who are you spending them with? What is this new relationship like? Reflect on what jazzes your soul. You are the master of your own destiny. If you want your man to treat you like a queen, act like one.