He will never consider you his equal, he will never put you first, and he will not take your opinions and feelings into consideration because he puts himself ahead of you and everyone else. This guy is using you - probably for sex. What do you write? Losers never support the real you. Flat tire? Parent in the hospital?
The e-mail feedback I have received on the article has been tremendous. There are more victims in the environment of the Loser than his or her partner. The loved ones want to understand the situation and ask for recommendations and guidance. Obviously, this article has created the need for sequels. I hope to publish a guide to assist Losers who want to change their life and behavior.
An article addressing sons and daughters who were parented by Losers is also being planned. My goal is to follow this issue and provide help and guidance to all those involved with controlling and abusive individuals - from partners to extended victims. Very few relationships start on terms other than sweetness and politeness. Both you and the date are guarded, trying to obtain information about the other as much as possible without seeming like a police detective.
Romantic relationships can be wonderful with the right person. A damaging adult partner can damage us, damage our loved ones, and even damage the way we feel about love and romance in the future. He is of legal driving age, yet still rides a skateboard. Is txt spk lik dis da way he rites normly? He lives on the Jersey Shore. He has he been to Jersey Shore. He speaks like Jesse Pinkman. He barks and growls when he sees his own reflection. He promised you a fresh start once he gets parole.
Losers Don't Change Their Spots You should never make excuses for a loser or think that you can "fix" him. Oh and if a friend has forwarded you this article - read it again, very carefully. In an effort to provide some warning about these very damaging individuals, this paper will outline a type of individual commonly found in the dating scene, a male or female labeled "The Loser".
These are characteristics that they accept simply as the way they are and not a problem or psychological difficulty. Psychologists usually treat the victims of "The Loser", women or men who arrive at the office severely depressed with their self-confidence and self-esteem totally destroyed.
The following list is an attempt to outline the characteristics of "The Loser" and provide a manner in which women and men can identify potentially damaging relationships before they are themselves severely damaged emotionally or even physically.
If your partner possesses even one of these features, there is risk in the relationship. More than three of these indicators and you are involved with "The Loser" in a very high risk relationship that will eventually create damage to you. When a high number of these features are present - it's not a probably or possibility.
You will be hurt and damaged by "The Loser" if you stay in the relationship. Rough Treatment "The Loser" will hurt you on purpose.
Male losers often begin with behaviors that move you physically or hit the wall. Female losers often slap, kick and even punch their male partners when upset.
Are You Dating a Loser?
Quick Attachment and Expression "The Loser" has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to "The Loser" is how quickly he or she says "I Love You" or wants to marry or commit to you. Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you'll hear that you're the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You'll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the "honeymoon phase" - where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you.
Remember the business saying "If it's too good to be true it probably is too good to be true! Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a lot of information before offering a commitment - not three weeks. It's true that we can become infatuated with others quickly - but not make such unrealistic promises and have the future planned after three dates.
The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause "The Loser" to detach from you as quickly as they committed.
5 Signs You're Dating a Loser Pt 2
Frightening Temper "The Loser" has a scary temper. In the beginning of the relationship, you will be exposed to "witnessed violence" - fights with others, threats toward others, angry outbursts at others, etc. You will also hear of violence in their life.
You will see and witness this temper - throwing things, yelling, cursing, driving fast, hitting the walls, and kicking things.
That quickly serves to intimidate you and fear their potential for violence, although "The Loser" quickly assures you that they are angry at others or situations, not at you.
The 25 Signs You're Dating A Loser
At first, you will be assured that they will never direct the hostility and violence at you - but they are clearly letting you know that they have that ability and capability - and that it might come your way.
Later, you fear challenging or confronting them - fearing that same temper and violence will be turned in your direction. They constantly correct your slight mistakes, making you feel "on guard", unintelligent, and leaving you with the feeling that you are always doing something wrong.
They tell you that you're too fat, too unattractive, or don't talk correctly or look well. This gradual chipping away at your confidence and self-esteem allows them to later treat you badly - as though you deserved it. In public, you will be "walking on eggshells" - always fearing you are doing or saying something that will later create a temper outburst or verbal argument.
Cutting Off Your Support In order to control someone completely, you must cut off their supportive friends - sometimes even their family.
In some cases, if they can't get rid of your best same-sex friend, "The Loser" will claim he or she made a pass at them. If you talk to your friends or family, "The Loser" will punish you by asking multiple questions or making nasty accusations. Eventually, rather than face the verbal punishment, interrogation, and abuse, you'll develop the feeling that it's better not to talk to family and friends.
You will withdraw from friends and family, prompting them to become upset with you. Once you are isolated and alone, without support, their control over you can increase. The cycle starts when they are intentionally hurtful and mean. You may be verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor. Suddenly, the next day they become sweet, doing all those little things they did when you started dating.
You hang on, hoping each mean-then-sweet cycle is the last one. The other purpose of the mean cycle is to allow "The Loser" to say very nasty things about you or those you care about, again chipping away at your self-esteem and self-confidence.
It's Always Your Fault "The Loser" blames you for their anger as well as any other behavior that is incorrect.
When they cheat on you, yell at you, treat you badly, damage your property, or embarrass you publicly - it's somehow your fault. If you are ten minutes late for a date, it's your fault that the male loser drives 80 miles per hour, runs people off the road, and pouts the rest of the evening. If they drive like a maniac and try to pull an innocent driver off the highway to assault them - it's actually the fault of the other driver not his as they didn't use a turn signal when they changed lanes.
They give you the impression that you had it anger, yelling, assault coming and deserved the anger, violence, pouting, or physical display of aggression.
Breakup Panic "The Loser" panics at the idea of breaking up - unless it's totally their idea - then you're dropped like a hot rock. Both male and female losers may threaten suicide, threaten to return to old sweethearts who feel lucky they're gone! They shower you with phone calls, often every five minutes, hoping that you will make an agreement or see them just to stop the telephone harassment.
Are you dating a loser
Some call your relatives, your friends, their friends, and anyone else they can think of - telling those people to call you and tell you how much they love you. Creative losers often create so much social pressure that the victim agrees to go back to the bad relationship rather than continue under the social pressure. Imagine trying to end a relationship and receiving tearful calls from all his or her relatives they secretly hope you'll keep them so they don't have toseeing a plea for your return in the newspaper or even on a local billboard, receiving flowers at work each day, or having them arrive at your place of work and offer you a wedding ring male loser technique or inform you that they might be pregnant female loser technique in front of your coworkers!
Their reaction is emotionally intense, a behavior they use to keep you an emotional prisoner.
If you go back to them, you actually fear a worse reaction if you threaten to leave again making you a prisoner and they later frequently recall the incident to you as further evidence of what a bad person you are. Remember, if your prize dog jumps the fence and escapes, if you get him back you build a higher fence. Once back in the grasp of "The Loser" - escape will be three times as difficult the next time. No Outside Interests "The Loser" will encourage you to drop your hobbies, interests, and involvement with others.
If you have an individual activity, they demand that they accompany you, making you feel miserable during the entire activity. The idea behind this is to prevent you from having fun or interests other than those which they totally control. Paranoid Control "The Loser" will check up on you and keep track of where you are and who you are with.
If you speak to a member of the opposite sex, you receive twenty questions about how you know them. If you don't answer their phone call, you are ask where you were, what were you doing, who you were talking to, etc.
They will notice the type of mud on your car, question why you shop certain places, and question why you called a friend, why the friend called you, and so forth.
Some losers follow you to the grocery, then later ask if you've been there in an attempt to catch you in a lie. High-tech losers may encourage you to make "private" calls to friends from their residence, calls that are being secretly taped for later reference.
Dec 28, If you are dating a loser, hopefully these stories helped wake you up. Don't waste your time settling for less than anyone who treats you with respect and love. Feb 27, If you indeed are dating a loser, you need to rapidly reassess your relationship status. To start, you should consider changing it from "in a relationship" to "has a restraining order." A detox. These things end very quickly if you leave them alone. If you don't jump in and control it. You are playing this game for who she eventually picks as a life mate. The stakes are very high so let her work it through. If its truly abusive and you worry about her safety, get to a shrink quickly and let them take on that task.
They may begin to tell you what to wear, what to listen to in music, and how to behave in public. Eventually, they tell you that you can not talk to certain friends or acquaintances, go certain places, or talk about certain issues in public. If no date is present on Friday night - "The Loser" will inform you that they will call you that night - sometime.
"The Loser" Warning Signs You're Dating a Loser. Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., Psychologist. Comment (September 27, ) This article was published to the Internet several years ago and was originally written to help identify "Losers" in relationships.
That effectively keeps you home, awaiting the call, fearing the verbal abuse and questions you might receive if you weren't home for the call. This technique allows "The Loser" to do what they want socially, at the same time controlling your behavior from a distance or a local bar.
Public Embarrassment In an effort to keep you under control while in public, "The Loser" will lash out at you, call you names, or say cruel or embarrassing things about you in private or in front of people.
When in public, you quickly learn that any opinion you express may cause them to verbally attack you, either at the time or later. If you stay with "The Loser" too long, you'll soon find yourself politely smiling, saying nothing, and holding on to their arm when in public.
You'll also find yourself walking with your head down, fearful of seeing a friend who might speak to you and create an angry reaction in "The Loser". It's Never Enough "The Loser" convinces you that you are never quite good enough.
You don't say "I love you" enough, you don't stand close enough, you don't do enough for them after all their sacrifices, and your behavior always falls short of what is expected.