He lies about friends on Facebook. Women whom he says he went to school with are strangers that he has been talking dirty to. It seems you already have your answer that something untoward is happening. If he is talking dirty to strangers online, then he is up to something deceitful. At this point, you need to determine what you are going to do about it and if this relationship can be repaired.
It is not uncommon for a wife to contact us too late to stop his momentum. Maybe he has already left home and his family. However, we have seen determined wives win their husbands back, even after moving in with younger women. For instance, when you first started driving, if someone cut you off on the road you might have chased them down, pulled them over, and dragged them out of their car, or felt like you wanted too.
Negative reactions act as a stopper for your heart, which also closes off any hope of happiness. To remove the negative emotions you must start to change the habits that run your life.
They are what cause you to react before you can stop yourself. In fact, you can get this part of my course by signing up for our free, 3-day free trial.
No matter how you learn, it must be done. Your marriage will not be able to improve to until one of you learns to manage your emotions and eliminate your negative reactions.
And since you are reading this article, you are likely the one most interested and willing to give it a shot. Go for it! Our specially trained counselors can explain whatever you need. It is what we are here for. He got really mad at me. Why now what? If there are children to consider your situation is a challenge, and your challenges will not be simple.
Because it sounds like you are living together I will share some basic information with you. I may be of some help. He, and all of us, learn in our own time, and in our own way.
He is who he chooses to be. If you choose to continue your relationship it will take a lot of patience and effort to get to a normal place. It is clear your relationship was never THAT good, because if it were, he never would have cheated on you. If you study marriage, like you would anything else that is important to you, you will eventually be fine.
Otherwise you will go from one problem to another. You cannot change someone, or make them love you. But you can become more approachable by being more loving.
It is always good to behave according to the highest principles, even when you do not get back what you deserve. Your advice sounds great, however I do not see Why do men feel cheating is fine or date sites etc; War will not end us, my bet is on social media. I came to this site because i wanted to know why people think women should stay and put up with grap like that.
He travels a few times a month, so i happen to know that he is meeting women. He is also 10 years older than me might i add. Dear Maidinform I agree with you. It is not okay. Why do so many people equate sex with love? Is it how we are trained by the media? Or are we just shallow? I think it is a lack of knowledge.
I think we are sold a bill of false goods by TV and movies, and romantic stories that always end up in the bedroom. Women have a greater capacity for love than men it is just the way it is of course there are scientific reasons and so women are in a better place to lead their marriage back to happiness. Resentment will not help. Criticism will not help. Complaining will not help. Leaving will not help, either!
Dear Kathy You will never find the answers in articles. Marriage is complex. Find a source that you are comfortable with, then use their teachings. Otherwise your marriage will continue to cycle down. Of course please write in to our counselors, which is available in the menu, and ask for your request to come to me.
And sex most of us love sex but why do we have to change for him? Some have kids and work our asses off and housework and kids and all and still try to make him happy.
Fuck that! He needs to help! Kids are the reason we decide to heal the marriage, not endure suffering.
Sometimes the only reason anyone would consider staying in the marriage is to protect their children from divorce. The rare marriages when a divorce is justified, or the kids actually do better are so few that it is not worth mentioning. It is wrong; period. But you have to choose. Do you prefer punishing him, and pushing him further out the door? Or, do you want to try to save your marriage?
You cannot have both. You are allowing your anger to rule you. Sex is not love, and love is not just giving sex. If you wish to save your marriage you will have to change who you are, or you will keep doing the same things that ruined your marriage his cheating is a symptom.
Get our marriage help program!!! Dear Corinne, There is a vast difference between the two and you know it. Fantasy is not an action that produces outward effects, just personal problems.
However, that being said, your idea of you personally substituting for his fantasies is even worse than you know because it will separate you from your husband even more. Besides, you are his wife, not a sex toy. You need to get educated! Read one of my books. It will possibly be all you need unless you are not talking about him going further than using porn as an escape.
Posted ads looking for sexual partners when i was begging for him to spend time with me, have sex with me, and im a 10! I found out by looking through his phone once he started a travelling job that kept him away from home.
He saw an opportunity and took it. Yet he claims he never slept with anyone. Hes wanted me since we were 13 yet this is what he does to me after waiting 14 years to finally have me? But im a foolish jackass for trusting him. For trusting anyone. So tell me, how did his loving wife cause his infidelity? That is not the same as condoning actions that are obviously immoral and detrimental.
But you, dear Dee, are focused so much on the material cts of yourself that your poor heart is suffocating. So, where is your compassion? Where is your self-analysis? Clearly, you have known your husband for a long time. What do you plan? To end your marriage? To wait for him to come around? I offer an objective view and you do not want to hear it.
Nor does it mean I attack you. It only means what is written in the article. How you take it is up to you. I suggest you get more objective, so you can move forward and not towards a divorce.
My husband has been in several sffairs with girls online. Out and still hes doing it. Read either of my books so you can evaluate where you need to bolster things.
Generally speaking, a wife has great power when she comes from a place of love, and only love. It is, after all, why men marry women in the first place. I am very please that my wife found this article. As the wanderer in our relationship it helps me to understand a little about myself and I know we are smart enough to utilize these amazing tools Blessing to everyone.
It is not a question of intelligence at this point. But would you take it up for a spin? The years and experiences I have had were critical in the development of what we now sell, which the article only touches upon, to people like you in order to ensure success. Trying to do this on your own at this stage is unwise and a set-up for certain failure.
If it were otherwise I would be the first to tell you. I enjoyed this article. I stumbled upon it through online searching for help on what to do. I found a video that a girl had sent my husband in February. I know he would never physically cheat but the online things hurt me. I need help on what to do to help my marriage grow stronger and to help fulfill he urge to wander. Any advice would be appreciated! Courtney has done what many women do that will only make matters worse and tops it off by offering a solution that merely enables him.
It is not an easy assignment in our world because there is so much confusion but I have made the process doable by anyone who is as sincere as Cortney. Her husband, like all men, needs the unconditional love of a woman expressed in ways he understands.
It is really that simple. Hopefully, Courtney will choose the course for women. In her case it would work perfectly. Both she and her husband would swim in the love and bask in their newfound ever-expanding happiness and never look back. My husband and I met 13 years ago and we blent our kids together as a family. Now our kids are adults and we feel lost. My husband started going to the gym 4 hours a day, got a sports car, and started to become distant. I gave into him hoping the distance would go away.
But this back fired. He started an emotional affair with a woman I actually became friends with after double dating. Swinging never worked out for us as couples together but he and the wife were texting intimate things like I love you baby. Her words to him burn in my mind. This statement was far more hurtful than their saying I love you. I did confront him. Our marriage did go straight down the tubes.
He found out and says this may be a deal breaker for him. Now that I made these mistakes, and with me being a monogamous loyal person and him wanting more kinky sexual encounters, can our marriage be saved. I have already vowed to not look back. Forgive him.
And be more positive. I made a commitment to fixing this because the crime is far less excruciating than losing him. Please help! Dear Rachel, I understand your and see that we are in the same boat, I just want to know how you over came it!!!
You know I was reading your article, and what what r u trying to sellI am a woman who was meant to be a mother and house wife and I have been with the same man for 17 years and from the start he has been on numbers and dating sites. I have been the one to be loving and pleasing in and out of bed.
I have done everything, everything to hold us together and he does nothingSo tell mewhere have i gone wrong, how is any of this my fault in any way? Audrey Your situation is not pleasant to hear about. Were you aware of his calls when you married him? Some men never mature, even when they are married and have children. In those situations it is nearly impossible to do anything other than endure, and cover, so your children are unaware.
However, in most homes where the husband has strayed it is because he gave in to temptation instead of opening up to his wife. In far too many of those cases the wife is oblivious of her failures and would not listen even if her husband laid it out as succinctly as I do.
Its NOT her fault! Its a problem with a lack of true marital knowledge. How many understand how to gauge their own behaviors? Express love as a natural part of their life? How to create ongoing intimacy?
How to be truly compassionate? If you want a truly happy marriage it is well within your power. My husband drinks and goes on Tinder and talks to women, has sent naked pics, went on a few dates, and invited one woman over. He says nothing sexual happened. He had been drinking the whole time. I had problems with my sex drive as newlyweds due to birth control pills and he never seemed to be able to let that go because we were supposed to be in newlywed sexual bliss.
We waited until we were married for sex. I felt I was robbed of the experience and have asked him for compassion. He has refused and thinks only about how HE was robbed of the experience. I was thrown in to an alcoholic marriage and rarely connect with him on an emotional level. He continues to drink and treats me in nasty ways. A few times our interactions turned physical when he drank.
So naturally, sex feels like a transaction to please him.
How am I supposed stick around for this? And our children?
You are like two children fighting over who should go first and keep spiting each other, though he seems better at the negative and is in self-destruct mode. You can be the first to take the first step if you want but you need to do so without all this resentment which means you need to deal with your mind by getting it to do what you tell it to do.
The best solution is the course for women we have at The Marriage Foundation. Really, talk of divorce when you can save your family? You are correct in stating that web sites like Ashley Madison need to disappear from the face of the earth. I know from personal experience that affairs are like atomic bombs, they destroy everything in their path.
I filed for a divorce immediately. We were married for over 20 years. I also discovered that he had been cheating for the 2nd time, this time his affair partner was a married woman.
I believe no marriage can be salvaged if the wayward spouse refuse to change and develop a moral compass. I could no longer accept my ex-husband dishonoring me and disrespecting our teenage daughter. I think not. Dear Msjay I am sorry for your personal experience.
I know many therapists, if not most, suggest infidelity spells the end of the marriage. But that is not our experience. I only wish we could have been there for you and your family.
I later discovered that he had at least 4 other sexual affairs and was fired from his job for downloading porn images. Thank you for your well wishes and keep up the good work. Be blessed! The past is the past, and I am glad you have moved on to raise your daughter well. It is rare, no matter how awful things may appear, to have to lose a marriage, thanks to our discoveries about marriage, and the way we approach it. Many thanks and blessings for sharing your story and confirmation about the Ashley Madisons of the world.
I read your article. It was an interesting take on things I am 6 months into my new marriage, recently discovered my husband has been on a sex dating site. FFS really? Wrong or right I felt better confronting him, I am glad he is gone and if he thinks the grass is better well so be it. Hi Bella, You know the article was not written for newlyweds, but for marriages where there are children, and saving the marriage is of a much higher importance.
In your case you did the right, and recommended thing. Please read my article on Newlyweds Having Second Thoughts.
I am sorry for what you have been through! My husband and I have been married 8 years but I feel like it never was a marriage. From the start a week after we were married he was talking to other girls. All throughout are marriage he has done this. All the same story. I feel like our marriage was a big waste of my time. We have 2 kids and guess what after each kid was born in found him talking to other girls.
He does everything you can think of to do. Fuck book, Kiki, snap chat, creating different email accounts. Ando bc he has. Yet here I am trying to make it work. In our marriage help program for women we begin with how to manage your mind so the impact is greatly lessened, and how to see your husband as having a disease to contend with, that hurts everyone.
Then, we go over marriage in depth, so all your expectations can be realistic. Your husband is reacting; to your behaviors, as well as his own misconceptions. Every man will react differently. You cannot alter the things in his mind, but you can alter the outer conditions, meaning how you are with him. In most cases that is more than enough.
In some cases the husband might be using alcohol, drugs, or be impacted by something nobody can see, and those cases are tougher. Bur usually the marriage should get better in ways you cannot now imagine. So, what courses are there? And he was a really bad drunk. I need to feel loved as well.
Dear Sarah My suggestion for you is to take our program which is unconditionally guaranteed. I am not saying it will work, because of the drugs and alcohol.
But there are many things you can do to be less victimized, and maybe help your husband to see the light. Good Luck to all of you. Good job Lorie! Now, if you wish, you can learn more about marriage and take yours to a higher level, without fear of making mistakes.
Marriage is scientific! He was on his own for a long time and I think they were his female companionship. We both are seniors with very bad experiences in the past and he has many good qualities. I think his male self esteem has been seriously compromised from the past. While I am not threatened by them, I know they indicate that our relationship is not what I want it to be. He is very afraid to open up but is doing so slowly. I agree that confrontation is unlikely to benefit anyone. It does not take away from the good stuff in our relationship.
I have recently started sending him love song videos which he seems to appreciate. I have had, at various times, to make the decision as whether I want to promote this relationship or end it.
I have decided to promote it. His communication with me about deep issues and also just to keep on touch when he is away is improving slowly but steadily. At some point I may share with him that I know about it, but in a kind way acknowledging that he has some needs that are not met in our relationship.
Since he has been doing it for a long time before we met I would not expect that he would drop it immediately. None of us is perfect. Your ability to weigh the positives against the negatives and let go of the negatives will allow your love to grow without restraint. Not building expectations that cannot be met is further proof of your innate wisdom, and your refusal to be influenced by trendy and false crazy ideas is admirable. I think you would enjoy our book. You remind me of one our earlier coaches, who was a MFT and he taught psychology at the collage level.
You will do very well with your man, and when you marry you will be able to enjoy much more connection. Blessings to you both. Thank you Paul. Which book is that? I taught at college for years - in the area of the sciences mainly. Developing that was my first priority. My students taught ne much. You will enjoy and benefit from my books, Breaking The Cycle, or Lessons for a Happy Marriage, both of which are available in the menu.
Thank you for your inputs. In the past year I have found several dating sites my husband is linked to. I confronted him when I discovered a contact in his phone disguised as a male but was really a woman from one of the sites. He deleted the sites but this past week I saw more accounts linked to an email he claims not to use. These sites are specifically for affairs and hook ups.
There were even pornographic in his drafts folder. The most recent blow in the course of 48 hours was finding him texting a former friend of mine that slept with my boyfriend back in college. He claims she texted him and told him to disguise her number. I just recently moved across the country for his new job and we have a young child.
Dear Molly, I think you wrote to us, but I will answer here for the sake of others. Marriage is not a plaything or temp relationship, but the way media approaches it we all have ideas about marriage that makes it tough to make it work. I would not condone any actions which are not marriage building, but the truth is your husband, and you, do not know until you know. The very purpose for our existenceis to teach marriage.
Either take our course or read our book.
Your situation is not only fixable, but you can use this as a wake up call. As a single woman who uses websites to seek out single, eligible partners I cannot believe the number of men who are married and seeking out a relationship of some sort or another posing as single men.
I do not knowingly date married men and I was shocked at the number of married men I encountered on line. I made dates with these men thinking they were actually single.
It became obvious to me at a certain point that they are still heavily involved with a woman in some way. Honestly, the problems these men have are worthy of a paycheck for me! I am not a marriage counselor, but it seems to me that is the role I play for these men.
A lot of times I feel they are actually trying to understand why their marriage is so bad and what they can do to make it better. I am an honest and perceptive woman. Most of these guys need some help and usually their marriages mean more to them than being single or getting divorced.
How do I find out if he is signed up for online dating sites? Free site for find what social media he belongs to? I think my girlfriend is cheating, but I cannot prove it. How can I find what social media accounts belong to her using her name and cell? I would like to find out if my . Five Ways to Find out if your partner is using dating sites. 1. Find their email address and enter it in the "forgotten password" feature found on most websites and apps. This will not tell you if the individual is actively using the particular si.
There is a breakdown in the marriage somewhere along the way. When I discover the men are married I just converse with them politely. I think these men are very confused and do not know how to go about repairing their marriages. These guys all claim they are not happy but they have no plans to divorce or remarry. So women - arm yourself with this thought. So just because your husband is on a dating website do not assume that he is willing to throw your marriage down the drain or will find a regular woman who will go for this unless she is desperate to have a child and entrap a married man.
I f you want your marriage to go down the drain and the guy has been a handful, I could understand why you might want to throw in the towel.
From what I have seen of most of these married men they have really lost their way in the marriage. Most of them have no plans to divorce or remarry right away. Try to work on your marriage unless the man has been utterly disgusting has sex with your sister, is involved with criminal activity, is abusive to you or your children. A lot of the guys have career or substance abuse issues which will usually not go away by replacing their wives.
And of course most normal women do not want to get involved with a married man with financial, legal or substance abuse issues! Most of these guys need a fresh perspective on their marriage and their lives, not a divorce.
I also meet married men when I am out socially who are cheating on their wives. I am not a therapist nor am I affiliated with this website. These guys are truly lost but it seems very evident to me that they are not planning on divorcing or remarrying. I think people often forget about basic love and respect in their marriages.
I always act like a lady on every date.
Why is he on dating sites?
The guys I have met said they had fun or enjoyed my openness or honesty. I am sure they found me physically attractive as well, but it seems like a different perspective is what attracted them the most.
A lot of people seem to say they are no longer in love, but I think they have forgotten how to keep the relationship lively. Why is the guy taking me out to dinner or out dancing to a new place he has never been to with his wife? I think the answer is that one or both of them has forgotten the initial fun and attraction that characterized the reason for their initial union, and the unique way they have helped one another along in life.
I agree with your opinion. May be worsened the situation. I have 5 years old daughter and hence feel sceptical to take any bold step.
I am trying my best to understand his psychological and physical needs, and trying to fulfil at his requirement level. I have started to show him more love and attention; and trying to motivate him a lot because his professional life is not good from past many years.
Please advise me if I am incorrect somewhere. I have two questions, please advise me: 1. How to maintain my sexual life? But I keep going to him after few days. How do I help him come out of online dating, affairs etc. Also presently he is staying in different city because of his work. I am glad you followed that course of action. Turning from taking things personally to compassionate understanding is a powerful medicine that you need to take for the rest of your life.
Please read one of our books or take the courseyou will be fine if you become knowledgeable. I understand that the advice you are giving is logical. It could work if the man truly is in love and just acting badly. It makes me cry to read though. I feel as if this behavior destroys me. Why must i be so much better then i am to deserve to truly be cared for. My brain says people are human and they can hurt you and love you at the same time. My heart says no, i have loved you and you have used me.
How nasty that you should do that and the only way i can fix it is to go on and on feeling so unloved while i try to win you. I am confused! Dear Betsy Your confusion is completely understandable, and very common. We give and give and give.
To the end of the earth and yet we should be the ones to change more? To live more so that we can win him back? He refuses to get help, counseling. Dear Kris Can you recall one time in your life that resentment actually accomplished anything good?
Because I have never seen or heard of anger, vengeance, or expectations ever create a positive result. Our point is that those who escape their marriages, their wives, by going onto porn sites, or looking for sex fixes, are running for a reason. Is it right that they should do so?
Is my spouse on dating sites
Of course not! But neither is it right that a wife would abandon all loyalty, and all compassion, to express her disdain for the man she married by condemnation. Your husband is not perfect. Neither are you. We are here to help marriages, and we are very good at it. Our clients are successful. But we will only alter our ways when we find a better way to heal marriages. Confronted him and he denied, denied, denied.
Gave him photocopies of proof, then he started being affectionate to me. I wanted to throw up. So we finally talked and I chose to continue the relationship if he could confront the ex and tell her he would not be speaking with her anymore. He did. I thought we had worked things out. Recently my girlfriend tells me he is messaging her through a dating site.
Asked him why he was on a dating site. Again deny, deny, deny. I joined the dating website and messaged him. Still he denies that he got my message. The site confirms that he was online and got it.
So do I continue to be treated like an ass at home while he is doing whatever when I go to work to support us both? Somehow I do not think you are married. The things you did are aggressive, confrontational, intense. What would your reaction be? I do hope there are no children involved.
Neither of you are educated enough to raise children properly, and perhaps not mature enough either. You do not ask questions that would help your relationship.
So there can be no valuable feedback for you. I have more than one degree and have studied psychology and human development.
I have two grown children that are doing very well. Self-improvement is necessary when our old ways fail us. What is not being dealt with is the hurt and extreme pain that we endure. What do we do with that? Sometimes the only comfort is to let it go because harmony is much more tolerable. Susan, you cannot control your husband, but you can learn to manage your mind.
It is not your husbands actions that are the root of your suffering, but how you perceive his actions, or better stated, how your mind perceives his actions.
Your mind will control you until, through educated understanding, you learn to control it. Then, and only then, can you be on the path to happiness. Our teachings are not to become a martyr. On the contrary. Our teachings are wonderful explanations so you can be happy. Dear Jan I can appreciate your comment about my advice as it applies to your own situation, but a general article is not intended to cover every situation, nor do I suggest that a few tips are always adequate to resolve an issue that is essentially a symptom.
My advice is to let women know that although it is not their fault their husband is yielding to this monstrous temptation, there are things they can do about it. The fact that you would trash me personally, says a lot about your personality and approach to your husband, who is much closer to you. Your level of expectations of him are obviously greater than he can deliver, yet you pummel him in a public venue- venting.
Where is your spiritually driven compassion? Would you expect a man with a broken arm to carry a piano? My advice is sound, based on the core principles we teach.
Not everyone can appreciate the depth, but we have seen much worse situations than yours get corrected. You have a done a great job protecting your children and remaining loyal. I wish you would study what we offer so you can do even better - Paul. I am a pretty woman. I get hit on all the time by men but I tell them I am married and not interested.
Anyhows I just found out about two months ago that my husband has 5 accounts on sexads.
What To Do If Your Husband Is On Dating Sites
How I found out is because I made an anonymous account on there and searched his name. Anyhows, he has been searching for local women to hook up with and be even prints out pictures of these women that are nude. It makes me furious about it. I tried to block this site but then he abuses me and calls me a bitch over and over. Also he drinks so that ads to the situation too.
I have tried to be attracted to him like I used to but he just wants sex. He is not an attractive man. He is very skinny and the alcoholism has aged him badly. I need advice please!!! Dear Gail Alcohol is a terrible disease of the mind, and those who fall into its clutches have a very difficult time getting unhooked because it reduces the users will power, sometimes slowly, sometimes drastically. Our advice is for you to rise above your current situation, yes, but also take precautions that prevent you from sliding into the state he is in.
We also advise you to create in yourself an attitude of compassion towards him, rather than disdain, because compassion forces you to up while not pushing him further down. We have been together for 12 years and married 8 we fell in love with each other after both being in very difficult relationships, moved in together both having children from previous marriages, but we got through everything that had been thrown at us.
I thought we always had this special connection not matter what we were there for each other. I have just found on my husband computor he joined a sexy dating site chatting to woman saying sexual things he wanted to do to them and to arrange to meet one inpertiqular, I beleive this has not happened as i spoke to the girl, All i can say is i am heartbroken.
I have confronted him I did scream and shout at first but that is because my husband the man i love destroyed me, he has deleted everything he tells me he loves me and he is sorry and that it became an addiction. I am trying to pick up the pieces but i feel so hurt how could he do this to us, to us we were suppose to be solid. Suzy The test you are going through is difficult, to say the least, but that does not mean you will not get to the other side of this, and far beyond.
This is a wake up call.
What you do from here is up to you, and how you perceive what happened the reasons why will have a lot to do with what you do from here. Understanding the difference between how men and and women relate to sex, due to biological drives and social training is essential for you. Then, when you have the option of feeling compassion instead of hurt, you will be able to move forward if you plan on being there for him. We have seen this situation many times before.
We have never seen a failure at least with our clients. I have been married for 10 years. He is constantly checking his phone. He had put us in financial problems. I feel sick to think that he could to this to me. I wish I knew about his life style before I got pregnant. Please what can I do I feel so alone. Dear Agnes Please contact us through our coachinggo on the website, and find the contact link. I have been married for 14 years, he has been acting weird latley so I decied to check his phone, and he is signed up to numerous online dating websites.
What do I do? Do I just keep my mouth shut and assume he is just browsing.
It is not your fault, but saving your relationship is going to take you stepping up your love and expressions. AND, it is not a good time to bring it up. I have been in a committed relationship for over 5 years.
Lately I noticed that there was something not right in the relationship,as he always hid his phone from me and would never allow me to see his passwords on his computer.
Well one day he left his computer open with his emails right there in front of me. I found a message that he sent to a woman whom was a work associate. The message contained very passionate and sexual connotations. I asked him about this. I felt very hurt because I was very committed to him and had been by his side for everything and loved him and showed him love. I felt very angry as this was going on for quite some time. They were going to lunch together frequently. He said that there was nothing sexual between them.
How could there not be any more. He never spoke to me like that. He said he would stop seeing her at lunch and stop the emailing and texting with her.
That was one month ago. What should I do? I feel very unwanted. I am rather obsessed thinking about what he may be doing behind my back. It is a psychophysiological reality that a committed relationship is not the same as marriage. In the past, when we have tried to help couples in less than a marriage we have seen the strain break the bond, as it is just not the same.
I suggest you learn about marriage from one of our books or courses, then you may have a better notion of what the right thing for you to do. We have a 2 year old daughter and another on the way. I recently found him on dating websites like tinder and plenty of fish etc. But today I found him on another one claiming to be single and to having no children. The idea is we have a good relationship I always have been good to him and his needs are met. So why is this happening.
Im not dumb though I know he has to be getting messages from girls and sending them out. Is it worth it to stay? And how should I confront him. Dear Jessicayour situation is as tough as can be because you are doubly vulnerable. We would say to continue loving him, but protect your family by not allowing sex without a condom. Therapy will likely not work.
As you say, he is too immature. But this is not a family buster unless you are the one to bust it. He, like you, needs unconditional love. It would be wise for you to use our course or, at the very least, read one of our books - both spell out much that you need to learn. Your advice is very similar to a program I followed when trying to save my first marriage. For the most part I think it is sound advice, but there are situations in which I think it must be tweaked.
I found my husband-again-on a dating site. He lies about everything to these women-age, name, location, job. I have in the past ignored the behavior, confronted him, and gently asked why.
None of it changed the behavior. I am the sole provider in the house.
What Does Not Work
I work 3 jobs. Per his request I immediately change into lingerie when I arrive home. I initiate sex. I cook dinner in lingerie. I maintain the house. I get about 3 hours of sleep each night because he wants me up spending time with him. When I sleep and go to my primary job he goes online. On top of all this he daily goes through my phone, email, and social media sites; accuses me of sneaking off during lunch to meet with boyfriends; accuses me of being in love with all my exes; and insists that I dress for work just to attract new men.
How do you deal with a man for whom it is never enough? Or am I sacrificing myself for a lost cause? Marcie It is quite possible you chose poorly, and if there are no children in the home who he is taking care of your moving on may be a reasonable thing to do. There is a cardinal rule, that we cannot change another. So although you are doing your best in these areas there are some missing elements.
But the children ct is very important to consider. My ex husband has always been on several sites at once and even lies about his age on them. He said he wants to reconcile with me. He lies and lies. Everytime he got caught he blamed me. Your thoughts please. Dear Lori We never suggest confrontation because the confronted person will always lie, deflect or. It is always better to tune into your heart and be the source of love all husbands seek, though sometimes in bizarre ways.
Instead you need to develop the knowledge based skills required for marriage. I am sure you will find happiness, but you need to know where to look. Friedman, have read many of your comments, my daughter is trying to deal with a husband who has cheated once, started a Facebook profile using a fake name, was confronted, took it down, and now is on dating sites with half nude pics of himself-again lying about himself. They have a young son, he also has a drinking problem and has lied to her many times about his drinking.
She has gone to counseling, has tried to learn to not be critical and has tried to reach out to him, but he still blames her then says he is sorry, again lies and drinks, is taking them to financial ruin.
So- you say it is her reaction that can save their marriage? So, if he keeps doing this, she should work on herself and just keep going only to have this happen again and again? But life is not like that. We need to know as much about marriage and relationships as possible, or we run into one stumbling block after another. The more we strive to do what is right, based on usable principles, in accordance with what we face, the better the outcome.
Your daughter is in a troubling situation, and there is no telling how it will turn out over time, but she is still his wife, and still the mother to their child. If she reads Breaking The Cycle or takes our course if it is easily affordable she will have a much better idea of what she should door you can both complain, criticize, and condemnand keep digging the hole you are all in.
Your son in law is hurting, too.
His actions are NOT excusable, but you make it sound like he is vindictive rather than trapped. He needs help, too. Twila Your seeing marriage as a give and take relationship, where things have to be fair. But those approaches cannot work.
Marriage is not, and was never meant to be give and take, or fair. But when you understand its innate dynamics marriage will bring you more happiness than any other relationship by huge degrees.
There are a lot of dating sites available these days. To save your time here are the most popular dating sites:. Start with registration at this dating site and if you do not find anything.
If you and your partner share a computer or any other device, you can check the browsing history and see what comes up. While a lot of people tend to delete their browsing history when they are hiding something, there is a chance they could have forgotten to do so. It is not a very reliable method, as your partner most likely would delete the history after being on the online dating site.
However, if they did not erase it, you will have all the proof you need right there. Logging in without their permission is illegal as well. You can check the email inbox to see if there are emails coming from the dating sites.
Finding out if your man is cheating on you by using Internet dating sites is not that hard to do. However, it can be time-consuming, especially if your guy is computer-savvy. If you have a gut feeling that your husband or boyfriend is in the market for an affair and your attempts to talk to him about the issue have failed, it may give you peace. Is my wife on dating sites. In the past year I have found several dating sites my husband is linked to. I confronted him when I discovered a contact in his phone disguised as a male but was really a woman from one of the sites. He'd been calling and talking to her multiple times a day while at work.
Such emails will only appear in the inbox if a user has an account on the dating platform and used the email during the registration process. Not all of the emails from online dating site s go straight to the Inbox. If your loved one lets you use their phone, you can also check if there are any online dating applications installed or any other suspicious activity being present.
You can drag their photos into google images search bar one by one and see if anything comes up. Be prepared to pay a sum of money. The process is definitely not cheap.
Private investigators can do scans of emails and browsing history. They also have more access to resources and databases than you and can certainly be useful.
Remember that while private investigators are able to find out additional information online, they will not hack into computers or phones for you, as this is illegal.
I hope my advice on how to find out if someone is on a dating site for free was clear and understandable for you guys. Ha ha I was just surfing around and took a glance at these remarks. Thanks for writing about this. My advice for anyone is to get help from the internet, when I had a big divorce problem with my hubby I got in contact with Dr Amigo and he restored my marriage back on track and today I am happy again.